Condoms are missing from bag given to my (32f) husband (39m) after vasectomy
3KPretty much what the title says.
After my husband had a vasectomy he was given a bag with 30 condoms.
Why do I know there was 30? A few months ago I saw a conversation between him and a client that to me, was inappropriate for a married man. It wasn’t out right …bad. But he reached out to this woman because she was divorcing and wanted to let her know he was there for her if she needed anything. They talked about the ex so briefly and he said the man should have been happy he could possibly get down with “two hotties” and she responded with “I know right?” Then again he said he can’t do much but if she needed anything to let him know. She then said something about them grabbing a drink to which he said they’d definitely get together.
I confronted him about it and he said it was nothing. He was just trying to be there for someone going through something. We fought. I expressed how this to me was highly inappropriate and crossing a line. We moved on.
So, when he got this giant bag of condoms my anxiety inside told me to count them. There was 30.
Yesterday, I worked and then took my little one to Disney. It’s my last day off with her for two months. I offered many times for him to come and he declined every time.
This morning (he’s gone for work by this point) I notice the paper bag that they are inside is open and off to the side of our dresser where it was not before. I counted them. There is 28.
He doesn’t go out with friends or anything like that where he would give one away in a bro moment. We don’t use them so he wouldn’t ever need one on him.
I’m sick to my stomach. My body is tingling. I don’t know what to do. Did I miss count (4 times) and there was actually 28? Was there actually 28 and I’m remembering this incorrectly?? What do I say. Do I say anything? What is he going to say? What do I believe/not believe? Do I wait to see if more disappear?
I’m reeling and I’m trying not to.
[UPDATE]
I wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded. I really appreciate everyone’s perspectives and advice.
I initially was going to wait it out but After I sat with it and read through everything I decided that I do want to talk about it. I do love him and I did trust him 100% for all these years. And though the messages crossed a line for ME I still want to trust him. I have been working very hard on it and I didn’t want to lose it over my anxiety.
I decided to talk to him when he got home. He did what everyone said he would do…he has lit me at first. He told me I probably counted it wrong. There must have been 28. I told him I am pretty confident that I didn’t Nd there WAS 30. He said there’s no way. He hasn’t even opened the bag. That that’s really weird and he doesn’t know what to say.
I just sat staring at him in silence. He said don’t I think it’s funny that I thought I would have to count them. I told him yes, even when I was doing it I thought to my self “I can’t believe I’m doing this” but the reality is, those messages crossed a line for me that clearly broke my trust in him. Whether or not others feel the same, that’s the truth for me. We sat in silence again and he finally told me he used them to jerk off while we were gone. He did it twice and it’s embarrassing for him to tell me/ admit it. They are in the garbage outside and he can go out to show me. I said no. I told him why would he lie to me? Why would he think it’s okay for me to think I’m going nuts vs just telling me the truth right off the bat. It hurts that he was totally okay just lying to me about something so stupid. I don’t appreciate that he thinks it’s okay for him to just make me feel like I’m loosing my mind.
Clearly, the previous situation has had a deep impact on my trust. I don’t like it. I’m not proud of it. I definitely need to talk to someone to process it and put it behind me.
Thank you again to everyone who was kind and forth coming with their own experiences.
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