I [25F] told my husband [26M] to go fuck his mom and now we are getting a divorce.
5K[UPDATE/REPOST] since it was taken down.
CONTEXT: We live in Utah but his parents are catholic. About three months ago he brought up kids even though we both got married knowing we don’t want any.
My husband and I moved in together when we got married early last year and I have been together since high school. When we first moved into our apartment after we graduated things were great, we split the chores evenly. Although he fed and walked our dogs more than I did. Around September he started sleeping in the guest bedroom. I’m a nightshift nurse so this isn’t totally out of character because he works as a trainer at a gym and has regular hours, but he stopped sleeping in our bed even on our days off.
He’s gotten more religious, I found a bible in our kitchen with notes in his handwriting. He stopped doing his part around the apartment. Before, he would walk the dogs and feed them on the days I work. Now I come home and more often than not they are in their kennels and I have to walk them after being on my feet all night.
When I wake up their bowls are still empty and our one dog is so old he can’t hold his bladder for that long so he pees in the kitchen. The sweet boy knows it’s easier for me to clean up the tile. Husband gets up early so I don’t know why this is happening. He has a long lunch break where he normally comes home to take care of them. This is especially hurtful because I make sure to do everything when I’m off and he works. Dishes from whatever he was eating the night are consistently in the sink or on the counter and although he doesn’t sleep in our room anymore he leaves his dirty laundry lying around. When I confronted him, he did apologize, but he said he was under a lot of stress at work, and he felt like he needed more support here at home than what I was giving him.
I’m not trying to devalue his feelings or anything but he works at a gym. I work in an ICU. One of my favorite patients died last week and he never knew how much I cried that day. My work makes him uncomfortable, so I don’t talk about it around him.
I didn’t say any of this. Instead I asked him how I could support him more in our home and he stated and I quote. “I need us to start falling into our god assigned roles.” I can’t say I remember much else of what he said.
Essentially it was some things about him being a leader and me being a follower and that I should do the majority of the chores. He felt like he wasn’t as happy as his parents were in their marriage. This took my by complete surprise.
Too angry to say anything else I said “If you want to online with someone who will cook and clean for you while you do nothing go fuck your mom.” I don’t know why I said it, I think I was extra frustrated, because the dog pissed on the floor again but now I’m at work, crying on my break looking up the cheapest couples therapists. I know he’s in the wrong, but was that going too far? Is couples therapy going to be enough someone help me know what to do and whre this came from.
UPDATE: we spoke when I got off work. I showed him the post, specifically the comments about cheating and cults and mental health and he admitted that he’s been seeing one of his co workers. I wish it ends there.
He broke down and cried. He confessed he’s been sleeping with her THEYRE TRYING FOR A BABY. I didn’t mention in my post that he’d changed his mind a while ago about having kids while I still don’t want any. He said I wasn’t allowing him to follow gods plan so I forced him to seek help from Hagar. This is some bible reference that went over my head but I googled it and I’m sick.
I don’t even know who this man is anymore. Not wanting kids has been a big source of friction in the past three months or so, but there had never been any signs things would get this out of pocket. We went into this marriage against kids. I know we’re young but that will never change for me. I guess I should’ve seen the writing in the wall. I’ll spare you guys our fight.
My best friend helped me pack my essentials up. She’s been stalking this Hagar’s instagram. (Saved me from coming up with a nickname) Apparently she’s a big traditionalist bible thumper in the LDS church. Not so traditionalist to keep her hands off a married man but that’s besides the point. Her only goal is to find a husband and be a stay at home mom. More power to her someone’s got to do it. She can have him. They can pump out six kids with his minimum wage. I think this is my sign to start travel nursing.
I’m spending a good chunk of change breaking our lease getting the fuck away from him and finding a lawyer. Me and MY dogs will be better off at my moms house for now. If he wants them he’ll have to take them over my dead body. I’m going to sleep though. I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours.
Thank you guys for helping me on this insane journey. I’ll find therapy when I can afford it.
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