My (38f) ex-husbands (38m) family lacks boundaries on holidays.
6KEx husbands family lacks boundaries
I need some advice here. My ex husband and I were together for 11 years, married for almost 6, divorced for almost 7 years now. My ex husband, let’s call him Bryan, comes from an Italian family, so they’ve always been very close. Unfortunately, Bryan’s mom passed away from cancer in December 2021. He has a sister, (35f) we’ll call Sarah and her husband Derek (41m). Sarah, Derek and Bryan have some issues with boundaries when it comes to holidays and certain events.
A little backstory, every Halloween, up until Bryan’s mother passed, were spent at her house where we’d eat dinner there and go trick or treating all together, with Sarah and Derek and their 2 kids. Since then, they have been going to Derek’s parents house to celebrate. I was fine doing this, until I met my boyfriend, Allen (35m) We have been together for over 2 years now and met on Halloween 3 years ago.
Last year, my kids were with their dad for Halloween so Allen and I stopped by Derek’s parents house last year and hung out, went to a couple of houses to trick or treat with the kids and then left to go to a concert and resume our plans for the remainder of the evening. Allen has always been understanding of mine and Bryan’s relationship as well as my relationship/friendship with his sister and her husband.
This year, it’s my turn to have the kids. Allen will also have his daughter so we are all going trick or treating together. I let Bryan know that Allen and I will be taking the kids trick or treating in our neighborhood this year (we on-line 5 blocks from each other). Bryan was fine with this but asked if it would be OK if he came with us for an hour. Allen said he was fine with this so I obliged.
The issue is now with Sarah, my ex’s sister. She seems to think that I am trying to mess with their “Halloween traditions” of being all together. In her eyes, this was a tradition to honor her mother?? I spoke with Bryan about this, and he agrees that it’s my year and told Sarah that their mother has passed and my decision has nothing to do with their so called “tradition”. I don’t want Sarah and Derek to come with us. My boyfriend has been so great with allowing my ex to be a part of these traditions, but I think we deserve to create our own memories and traditions how we see fit.
I know that Sarah will confront me at the kids’ school today, in front of my kids as well as hers. How do I establish a boundary and make it clear that it is ridiculous to expect me to uphold these so called “traditions”?
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