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Wow, this surprised me. How did a thought devolve into separation. I think there's more. You want out. However, do what best for you. In any event, I'm sorry op.
Ps. I wouldn't willing give my husband to someone else if that's not their desire. If I'm going to do that, I'm divorcing pronto!
You get that there is fear, but you'll never understand it because you will never be a woman in that situation. I don't know if she was assaulted or not, but in her mind she was and that's what matters. If you have your doubts, leave her be. She needs someone who can be supportive and it just sounds like you don't have the capacity to do that.
Check out mindfulness practices to help with your ADHD. The basic premise to to treat your thoughts and emotions as if you are watching them WITHOUT JUDGEMENT from a 3rd person perspective
Using this practice, you can potentially become less exhausting by:
1) Making a habit of not saying your thoughts out loud. This will prevent you from annoying others so much.
2) Releasing your emotions instead of reacting to your emotions. This will prevent others needing to “walk on eggshells” for your benefit.
The clinginess is due to low self-esteem / low self-worth. Therapy would be a good idea. If you want to go the self-help route, then you can try Louise Hay's book “You Can Heal Your Life.” However, self-help isn't the most effective route for most people: I would recommend therapy if possible.
Another habit to get into is journaling. At the end of each day, review the times that you had strong emotions and write about what happened and how you reacted. This will help you process emotions and start seeing your unhealthy patterns of behavior.