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I appreciate you sharing your story. It's given me a lot to think about.
This dude over here taking “Fuck Nazis” too seriously. Ditch the racist my guy.
Let’s unpack this.
If you normally do something then other people like your partner start to depend on you to do it. Thats just how things work. Same as you might depend on them for doing something.
You’ve taken something your partner depends on away as a way of punishing them. You’ve given them no prior notice so they can prepare for this.
Does that sound abusive to you?
Me too. I have some whiskers from a beloved cat. I keep them in a special box with his collar. I even told my therapist about it years ago, and she shared that she also has a keepsake box for a dog she had. This is not remotely abnormal.
You’re back to position 1 on this merry go round, and only you can get yourself off of it.
You dated, her was chasing her.
You’re married, he’s chasing her.
You’re working on your marriage, and he uses his money/time to bring her to your backyard for a lovely weekend.
I say this as kindly as possible, but you have all the evidence in your face.
If this woman even gave him remotely the time of day, and stop playing the games with him that he plays with you, then you would not have a husband because he would be gone with her.