Update: My (34m) wife (33f) cheated and is now pregnant.
6KSo the DNA reports came back. And the baby is mine.
I wasn't even surprised at this point.
The day we sat down and talked, she told me she had returned home to immediately take her birth control pill. So she was certain the baby would be mine and she once again said if by any chance it was the other guy's she would abort the baby. That she had no plans or desire to have kids with anyone except me.
I won't lie, her words were a good comfort to me. I could tell she was telling the truth. I've been reading too many reddit stories of men finding out their wives were all too willing to have some random man's child. I cannot lie, even the idea of that made me sick.
I asked her if she'd keep this baby even if I filed for divorce. She said yes. So, that's where we're at in terms of the baby.
As for the other guy, not disclosing too many details, it was a relative of hers. An older cousin who had been harassing her for a long time (literally since before we even met). She just never said anything to me or complained because her family (and frankly mine too) are obsessed with the entire “family comes before all” mindset. I'm seeing this pressure to keep everything together happen to me in real time after all.
Anyway, long story short, he had returned to our hometown around 3 months ago and started texting, followed and harassing her. Hence why all the blocked numbers and repeated texts of being happy with me and loving only me.
She admitted to sending him a videotape of us being intimate as a way to make him ashamed of her and leave her alone. That she had repeatedly spoken about me and mocked him when he insisted he could do better.
She thinks all this goading and insulting had triggered him to attack her and she never said anything to me because she is certain it was her fault for “engaging” with him. That if she had ignored him like before, he'd have just left her alone.
I've seen enough texts, confronted enough people and heard enough to confirm she isn't lying.
Now I'm just focused on getting this woman the therapy it turns out she has needed for a long time.
I have decided on legal separation for now but haven't met with the lawyer yet.
Our kids will have both of us of course and I'm happy to know at least my irrational hate for the baby is gone. It's the only positive thing I'm feeling right now.
I'm beginning to think clearer now. Reddit has helped me feel confident in protecting myself. I don't feel quite so selfish now. I will support Anna because she desperately needs it. Our relationship needs work but that comes second to her health, our baby and our sons. I'm going to work on us but I'm also taking steps to protect myself and the boys.
I have reddit to thank for giving me the confidence to do this and not feel guilty. Much thanks for that.
Edit: I am not divorcing her. It's a temorary separation because she needs to heal first before we can be a couple again.
Her response to being harassed by that man was putting herself on me. She admitted our first time (over 10 years ago) was in part influenced by his obsession with her virginity. Meaning our first time happened before she was actually ready for something like that.
Her response to his texts was sending intimate videos of us.
Her response to me trying to get some space was trying to seduce me back into bed with her.
I'm not a therapist. But that attitude is not healthy. That much even I can tell. Right now her idea of therapy is to pretend like nothing happened and try to get intimate with me at any opportunity. And she takes me saying no as rejecting her for being used.
I'm not helping her with this separation I know, but I can tell I'm not helping her cope by being too close either. A little separation is best as suggested by the Therapist and Lawyer.
Yes, I know she didn't cheat. It's that the title has to be same for an update. I'm not calling her assault cheating.
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