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No to what?
So don't. Break UP WITH HIM. He is emotionally manipulating you in order to avoid personal accountability.
No its hers, and he should be happy for her.
Block him on everything and never look back.
Him was one of the best characters on PPG! I actively rooted for them!
well you know that shes a liar.
You cannot force someone to change if they don't want to change. If you've talked to your boyfriend and brought up these issues again and again and he has no desire to improve his life, then at this point you're just beating a dead horse.
Is there online therapy that he could attend? That is generally income based so there might be something that is affordable, but that will only work if he goes and actually puts in the effort.
You are so young, don't let this guy drag you down.
It’s outcall so the rates are different.
Good luck with this chick as your wife. She sounds like the typical entitled wife who raises AH kids who are just as entitled.
Peace be with you! You seem like you need it if you stay with this ungrateful girl.
Was it after you were locked in to the marriage, or did she always show this side and has just worsened as time progresses?
I think she's always had a bit of this side, yes, but it has definitely gotten worse over time. There were times I definitely felt like I had to defend who I was as a person, but I thought at the time maybe I was just that different to who she had dated before and she didn't understand.
Because it seems she changed the rules to only consider her wishes and desires. Yours apparently do not matter.
I would definitely say this has only further amped up. The thing is, she isn't 100% selfish. There are times when she is supportive of me of things I know she doesn't care about. But not always, and she's much more supportive when it's something she wants me to be doing.
The bottom line is that yes, you are correct – this is very wrong. These situations rarely improve without a lot of work from both parties, and the first step would be her acknowledging your concerns, and agreeing to put the work in.
I think one thing that's nude, and I don't know if this is just deflection, but she says that I shouldn't expect praise for doing my share of housework and child rearing. Which I agree, I do think that maintaining your 50% of responsibility is important. So she just seems hung up on that fact and I'm not sure why. I've told her before that between working long hours at a job that's physically and mentally exhausting some days, then coming home and still being “happy dad” and doing my share of the chores only to be met with criticism for missing a spot where I've cleaned, or stacking the dishwasher wrong, is very draining. I told her it makes me feel unappreciated and she basically told me it's sexist to expect praise for doing my share. Maybe it's a communication issue, I don't know, but to me praise ≠appreciation. I've always tried to make her feel appreciated for her nude work, even for little things that she was “supposed” to do like getting up in the middle of the night to breastfeed the baby. Maybe I'm wrong in thinking this way?
I dunno what stage you have reached as far as knowing how wrong this feels to you – at least as far as reaching out here. How do you proceed? You make a careful list of what is bothering you and what you want and need going forward. That means counseling, probably, both for each person individually to figure out how this got to where it is, and joint counseling if your spouse is receptive to your concerns.
I think I feel like I've hit a bit of breaking point unfortunately. I think that sounds like a good and level-headed way to proceed. Do you have any advice for getting her to accept this? She has anxiety (among potentially other issues) and I've tried to get her to speak to someone and she said she didn't think it was needed.
I hate to be so completely pessimistic, but if you are being truthful with yourself and us about this situation, I think you might have been bamboozed. And she definitely moved the goalposts with the SAHM nonsense she sprung on you out of thin air.
I would say the SAHM bit was about 99% out of thin air. She briefly mentioned it once before we had set ourselves up, and I said I was happy to do that but we'd need to keep our expenses low and our life simpler. I was very happy to do this but she didn't seem as receptive so we proceeded with moving to the area in which she wanted to move to (granted I did and do like it, it's just expensive) and generally live how she wants to on-line. For a dual income couple, I don't think we live! outside of our means but if she wants to be a SAHM we definitely would be.
And her gaslighting you about your efforts and lack of romantic gestures is quite concerning, because that comes from her further deciding what is acceptable and what is not, insofar as your efforts to be romantic and caring partner et.al. will never be good enough, because I bet she has a vision in her head of what you are expected to do and be, and your actions will never be good enough, because they do not exactly match her vision.
I have told her this before (minus the gaslighting bit because I only vaguely understand it) and she will sometimes back off for awhile. I've mostly got her to stop commenting on other men in shows and on Tik Tok because I said to her “So is it fair for me to choose women on TV and ask why you don't be more like them?” which she didn't like. I felt like an ass for saying it but I think she needed the wake up call. I don't know if the feelings remain though. I have told her I don't feel like anything I do generally is quite enough. One thing I did say, and feel bad for doing a comparison, is I said that I don't think it's fair that I do more than most husbands I know yet she acts like I do nothing. I don't think I should have said that because I think comparisons are unfair but I was so frustrated in trying to get her to understand that it sucks putting in 110% effort to get met with such a poor response.
Good luck going forward, and I hope it works out well for you. either way.
Thank you! I really appreciate your informative and thorough answer.
This is SO gross to me! I would be mortified if anyone knew about my private life like this. Also this is mega disrespectful to the guy and this lady and her friends need to have a look at themselves..
I know how you feel!! It’s the start of a relationship and it’s exciting, but can also cause you to overthink some things and worry. Talk to him about this then let us know how it goes 🙂
Oh it’s a red flag allright. Flings don’t get to blow up. That alone would put me off them stat and for good. Just nope.
Sounds like you see his income and think you deserve some of it. Youre selfish, everyone in the comments seems to agree. Youre acting as though receiving his mail is a burden or inconvenience, when we all know that it isnt. You could literally keep a box in a closet to fill with his mail. It takes a max of 2 seconds to your day. Charging him for 2 seconds of your time (if he even gets mail everyday) is scammy and greedy. Ive never heard of a single person charge their friend for something so frivolous.