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Hmmm, yeah, probably not the best way to have asked her, imo. Some people don't even check their Insta messages at all, and now you're stuck waiting and wondering. Also, did you just follow her out of the blue or did she tell you her Insta and then you followed her?
Red flag OP….
You need to sit her down and explain boundaries to her. This is an emotional affair at best. Her wanting to meet up with this guy in any setting is also very concerning. Tell her if it doesn't stop that you are done. Once trust is gone, you can't get it back if the other person is uninterested in repairing it
You could ask him what he wants, some space, maybe more communication, etc and see what he says. He knows what he needs right now not Reddit.
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Whatever you been doing seems to be working fine
Perfect?She initiated an emotional affair, and you call her perfect?
According to OP:
She discussed her romantic feelings with this guy, and he reciprocated. But then she had an epiphany you could say and came clean to me.
The best revenge is a life well lived. Also the best revenge is when said husband would care. By his actions, he doesn't care.
Your last comment makes no sense, but I think that was what you were getting at.
For the first, yeah she's definitely at fault, too. She put herself in a situation where she should have expected her boundaries and resolve to be tested. She's just not at fault in the same way he is, since no penetration was her boundary, not his. But she's at fault for her poor communication and putting herself in a position where she didn't feel like she could say no (whether it was because she wanted to say yes or because she literally didn't feel safe saying no).
Also in addition to what else I commented already:
quitting a job bcos of sexuall harassment IS a valid reason there is NO good reason to be on dating apps and there is NO reason why he should have a condom in his pocket there is NO case where it's ok to insult you (“you fucking suck” and probably more?). No not even if you were a bad partner you give your best already, but for the wrong reason. Do it for YOURSELF and not for some douchebag
Please please please get some self confidence and leave him. He is keeping you low and small, but I bet that you are very sweet and strong, if you let yourself out a bit more! Put your foot down. Let yourself be angry!
Shoot your shot.
It’s emotionally difficult, but if you’re not up for it then you’re not up for it. You took care of her when she needed it so you’re 100% good, man.
Do not continue to sign up as a caregiver or emergency contact for a person you do not want to care for no matter what the reason is. It’s naked. It will make you resent her. You will feel you wasted your time and regret it. This is an all in or all out kind of decision, you cannot compromise.
This is a big deal. If you don’t want to, don’t do it because of something so fickle as public perception.
Re-home your boyfriend instead.