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Unfortunately, your kids are old enough to see, and internalize, the things your wife is doing. You are not doing them any favors by staying.
Well you are not op, and it sounds like the thing that would bother her the most is her partner being with her because of her disability and his fetish to it.
Question: how long would you have waited to respond to her message if she hadn't sent that message first?
Some people may be lonely, some aren't. I am not.
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After my ex I am definitely not looking for any serious relationship for a while. That why this was all going pretty good and I was able to kinda compartmentalize all my relationships but I really don’t want any baby mama drama.
Do you think she was remorsefully sobbing when she let another bloke put his dick in her? If you can online with that then by all means keep the relationship going. But don't go wild and go back. The relationship is forever toxic then.
She endangered your healt!
Herpes can lead to Encephalitis (brain infection) generalized skin infection or infection of the eyes.
And she just casually mentioned that! As if she just had a minor cold or something like that.
With pregnant women it can lead to stillbirth.
Just think that she not only endangered YOU but also potential next partners!
I would end that. No way one ever can trust her again.
Also: if not done already have a blood test for herpes antibodies. To be really sure that it's not lurking somewhere around the corner. That virus is treacherous!
Do not get back with her.
Expose her cheating ways to everyone as she may make you the bad guy.