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This. You need to push naked. But be ready, there might be very, and I mean very, harsh answers to your questions. If you manage to convince him to be honest, that you both will be able to talk civilized through it, it can either solve the whole problem or be the nail in the coffin for the relationship. It can either just be a huge misunderstanding, or it could be that he doesn't like your hypothetical PDAs, or worst case: he is ashamed of being with you for whatever reason. Nevertheless, IMO, ut will give you closure and either fix or break it. Either way, you would escape the horrible limbo you're in right now.
Your wife needs to get a good therapist. This feels reactive on her part: either unconscious competition with your daughter-in-law or a mid-life crisis brought on by becoming a grandmother. She really isn’t thinking this through. She would be obliterating your ability to have any freedom until your 60’s!! That is hugely foolish. And the fact that she had a health scare should have underscored what an irresponsible idea and geriatric pregnancy is. Not to mention the increased chance of you having a second child with a disability which would require some incredibly detailed life planning for people your age, since you can’t force your adult son to take on responsibilities you are too old to see your way through. There is A LOT of reality she needs to face. And the fact that she is turning sex into a weapon is really troubling on just a basic level of respect and partnership. If I were you I would start setting some boundaries with her and tell her to get some help and smarten the hell up if she wants to keep your marriage in tact.
Oh my gosh….he FAILED so spectacularly he is unable to graduate and your reaction is to….angst over nothing and worry about him cheating? Did you offer him any sympathy or support or solutions or a fraction of the 'reassurance' you are constantly asking of him?
You need to get a hold on your anxiety and insecurity because it is clouding your vision to EVERYTHING ELSE. You are sabotaging this relationship and undermining yourself.
I suggest you seek help. Good luck OP.
No, it doesn't.
However, there is quite a bit of difference in levels of responsibility, expectations and emotional/mental development between 17 and 21 (at least in most people)
If they're in the US, at that age she's not even considered a legal adult and can barely drive, while he is considered old enough to do many things.
In your case the both of you were still teenagers when you met, and that is imo a subtle but very important distinction.
Not saying OP is a “predator” per se, but drinking-age adults shouldn't be dating 17 year old.
He is my husband