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100% agree.
If we're together I don't need permission to check your phone, and you also don't need permission to check mine.
A question: What has he done over the last 9 years to demonstrate that you are still #1 with him?
An observation: everyone deserves to be #1 to their spouse (except for children- I absolutely expect my children to be higher priority than I am and would be furious if they weren’t). Her wanting that is not unreasonable considering they’ve been together 9 years and have a child together. IF she has finally got fed up of playing second fiddle and has given him an ultimatum of choosing between the two of you, that isn’t manipulative, it’s very understandable. It may well be that he’s realised that she is more important to him, or that she and their child together are more important to him than you are and that ending your friendship is a price he is willing to pay. You can talk to his parents if you want, but I doubt it’s going to change things.
Relationships change as we get older and we, our priorities, and our circumstances change. What we want and need from friendships in our 20s is not necessarily what we want and need from those in our 40s. It sounds like you two aren’t compatible any more and it’s okay in those circumstances for him to pull away. You can’t force a friendship from him. He’s a grown man and I’d be surprised if talkie to his parents will result in a change in behaviour to be honest. I can’t imagine they’re likely to completely side with you over the mother of their grandchild as they need to maintain cordial relations with her for the benefit of and ongoing access to the grandchild.