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Seems like a lot of people are being really harsh on the guy, when I don’t think it necessarily boils down to him being a total piece of shit. That could very well be the case. I just wouldn’t be hasty in totally removing a years long friend from your life, especially considering that ptsd is clearly involved in your emotional experience here.
Before doing something so drastic, maybe try setting firm boundaries around sex. You clearly aren’t ready, and are having doubts about trusting this guy with your body. It’s terrible that your first sexual experience with him went the way it did. I personally can’t imagine how any guy could proceed under the circumstances you described, but maybe he’s just really immature in his general relationship with sex. He could be totally inexperienced and not really connecting with the act on an emotional or spiritual level. While it is certainly not your job to inspire these things within him, I do believe this is a hurdle the two of you can overcome, given that both of you are willing to make the effort to get through it together. He’ll have to do his part as well.
IMO, your part is simply communicating with him openly and setting firm boundaries. His part is caring about your experience enough to see beyond himself, and sacrifice his own desires for the sake of your needs. I won’t tell you exactly what boundaries should be set. You know the answer to that much better than any of us could. Though, I will say you should definitely not be inviting any behaviors from him you are not truly comfortable with. Don’t open your legs and tell him to just fuck you if you aren’t ready for sex. Don’t sext him if you aren’t comfortable doing so. Your needs 100% supersede his desires. You can’t budge on things like this, no matter how significant you feel another person has become in your life. No one else can ever be more significant than your commitment to yourself, except maybe your offspring.
I feel it is appropriate to give him the opportunity to be the type of partner that you had hoped he would be. Sometimes that does require naked lines in the sand. You are strong enough to draw those lines. Give him the chance to be compassionate enough to honor you through respecting those lines. Or, you could let your fear guide you and totally disassociate from him.
You are ultimately the best judge of what is necessary in this situation. I’m just helplessly optimistic, honestly. I would love for this to work out for you, and for you to find security within this relationship. It may already be too late for that. It’s up to you to decide. In any case, I wish you all the best, and hope you can find healing.
I mean ..she assumed he was gay cause he didn't want to fuck. Soooo she might be a bit immature, which is why she's not wife material