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Yeah wtf
…… Genetics are fickle. They literally teacher lessons on this in high school biology and even then it left my head spinning.
I'm petty right now (6mo pregnant and have a 1yo – so I'm hormonal) so if he wants to be stupid, I apologize but that's what he's being, then tell him “that's fine, you want to send our child off cause of genetics, then it'll mean you are sending us both away. You'll be going to court for child support, divorce, custody battles”. Save EVERYTHING!!! Anything in writing that he says this over, if he starts in on a tangent verbally, record him. Get signed letters from anyone who's heard him.
This is very childish and immature and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this but I'd rather see you prepared for the worst then go into this with rose colored glasses … Cause what happens if you child is born with blue eyes and they change to brown later down the road? Or vice versa?
If it was another guy he was going out for drinks/food (dates) with or going on trips with would it be as much of an issue ?
I am seeing a lot of people here using a word that YOU may not choose to use for your situation. YOU are the one who decides what label goes on your experience. No one else.
However, the main situation is that someon that you trusted treated you very badly. He was more concerned about getting his sexual pleasure from skin-on-skin than he cares about your feelings.
You know this. That is why you cried.
He broke your relationship. He broke your trust. And on top of that he hurt your feelings.
This is the only thing you need to say:
“I will never have sex with you again.”
You wife sounds like she is in some serious, deep denial. It’s all too painful for her to face. It hurts that her father raped her half sister. This is generations of deep seeded abuse, neglect and lies. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if your wife has suppressed memories of her being abused too…which I know is hot to hear. I wouldn’t be surprised if SMF was also abused and this stems back much farther than you know. The way you describe your wife disassociating and shutting down at the drop of a hat is what happens when people experience serious trauma.
I would highly suggest you and your wife going to therapy so that you both can learn to process everything that’s going on in a healthy way and get through this together instead of letting it tear you apart.
Good luck OP.
Yes please do and stick to it! You are still young and so you don’t wanna waste your time on someone who is not ready to simply move in together after 5 years!!
My wife and I had a similar argument when we were dating. My mother had a bad experience once, and only survived due to the kindness of an unknown trucker. She did her best to pay it forward all her life, and told me, “I hope that if my children were ever in need someone would help them. How can I expect that if I’m not willing to help someone else’s child?”
As a result, I was always open to helping strangers. Giving rides, buying a meal/sharing food, whatever. My wife doesn’t have that background, and felt that doing so was enabling people at best and inviting danger at worst.
It took a lot of conversations, but we eventually understood neither of us were completely wrong: there is nothing wrong with having love and compassion for your fellow man, but there are dangers in the world.
I am not nearly as open as I used to be. I’ll call taxi if someone is stranded, order them a meal from an app as opposed to carrying cash if they are hungry, but I don’t pick up hitchhikers, I don’t carry cash or hand it out for stuff, and so don’t engage people in the same way.