Well it's certainly something you can consider! If you ever want to talk about this stuff I'm all ears. I also have a lot of difficulties when I try to communicate these strange nuances to people that aren't on the ace spectrum. Am I doing x behavior because I'm Aro Ace, because of my various traumas, or because I just feel like it? I don't know! Haha.
Even if you “help” (acquiesce to his blackmail) then what happens when you try to move on? He will try to keep you trapped indefinitely forever with this threat.
Prior to the last month he’s truly been the sweetest and most patient man with me. Like he’s never hesitated to show me love or care. This last month has just been upsetting. I want to try to take that kind of media away.
You know that this is not you and all about her. This is not a normal or healthy situation for you or her. Intimacy is a normal and natural connection between consenting individuals. To be shunned or made to feel ashamed to desire a natural thing is not fair or correct. Simply end this situation and seek a person better suited to make you feel wanted and desired as a partner. Your happiness is just as important as her distaste.
For me, sexual stuff is a lot about the emotional connection as well as the physical. So if my partner just lets themself go and gain a bunch of weight without any good reason behind it (like pregnancy related, medical condition, sudden disability or something), I would be both emotionally and physically less attracted to them. I would feel like they didn’t care about me and that would turn me off.
My wife still has some weight left over from her pregnancy, which is entirely reasonable, and I know she’s working on it because she loves me and wants to look good for me. So I have never stopped thinking of her as anything less than sexy as fuck.
I somehow gained a little weight for a little bit during our relationship but she knew I started working out and trying to get myself back in good shape, which I did. It was mostly for her and now I’m in good shape. And I believe that it’ll be the same for her. I think that’s a healthy mindset for any relationship.
At the very minimum go and speak to a divorce attorney, give them a copy of your pre nup and the evidence of her cheating. Explain everything about your finances etc and ask the attorney for advice and what divorce looks like for you. There could well be a clause in the prenup re cheating.
Start planning your exit, start trying to separate your finances. But take advice from your divorce attorney.
As a woman, I can tell you that it is heartbreaking to feel like the only reason someone is interested in you, is because they want to F*ck. And right now, it is likely that this is how you are making her feel by bringing it up all the time.
By repeatedly saying “but it’s important to me”, you are telling her that her entire value to you, is that she is a hole to stick it in.
She is likely feeling pressured by you. And guilty for not being ready. And probably resentful of you too, for ignoring how she feels. And if you have noticed that your behaviour has changed, then she has too. So now she probably feels like you are punishing her for not being ready too.
Right now, it seems like you aren’t matched in this area. She needs more time to feel ready, and you don’t want to wait.
Also, do you actually what Physical Touch as a on-line language is?
You need to do nothing to fix this. Your gf needs to fix this. Time and time again you have become the third wheel in your relationship. If your gf cannot understand how this makes you feel I am afraid it may be time to move on. Obviously her friend is more important in her life than you are
That reason is ridiculous, and no healthy person would go on a second date with a man like that because they liked his face. Get therapy, your decisions are dangerous and irrational.
This stance doesn’t recognize the tangible harm and thinly veiled indifference to the outcomes of paternity fraud.
Trust is built over time with confirmation. So while you will always know that child is yours, you expect the father to deal with possible uncertainty or an unknown betrayal forever. While disparaging any who disagree.
By demanding a paternity test you are attempting to protect yourself from fraud that you cannot legally fight otherwise. Reality is that most men are going to be heartbroken when they're betrayed in the worst way possible and it's going to cause lifelong relational trauma and damage.
If women in committed monogamous relationships want to leave a relationship over a demanded paternity test that’s their right, but they should at least accept why a man would want one. Instead of blowing up a relationship I would really recommend people who feel this way to talk with a therapist about their difficulties with empathy.
I'm not understanding the whole ego thing you're talking about… What I can say is that a healthy relationship is supposed to make you feel happier and more fulfilled than you would feel without the other person, this doesn't sound like it's the case for you so why continue a bad relationship?
You eork from home, and you can't do it while living elsewhere?
Besides this really isn't about her in particular. She is willing to stay in your life for a long time even when you are undecisive. If you reject her, you also reject possibiluty of having loving partner in your life in general. All for the sake of your “passion”.
Can't this passion be compromised, do that you stick in this type of work while pursuing commuted relationship as well? Yes you would have less time for your passion, but does it mean you would lose it completely?
Personally, I think a loving partner is a thing to cherish above all else, as it brings the most happiness in life in a long term. This is however my own, personal. take
I dated a girl for a year and have been friends with her for the past 4 years. She is one of my closest friends and recently we’ve had issues in our friendship as a result of me being groomed (didn’t know this is what was causing the issues until recently)
Do you think I should open up to this girl and explain someone happened to me when I was younger that is causing these issues between us or go just talk to people at the group sessions?
OOF I am called out nude right now.
I never thought about that before.
Well it's certainly something you can consider! If you ever want to talk about this stuff I'm all ears. I also have a lot of difficulties when I try to communicate these strange nuances to people that aren't on the ace spectrum. Am I doing x behavior because I'm Aro Ace, because of my various traumas, or because I just feel like it? I don't know! Haha.
Block his mom. She and her son are not your problem.
Even if you “help” (acquiesce to his blackmail) then what happens when you try to move on? He will try to keep you trapped indefinitely forever with this threat.
Prior to the last month he’s truly been the sweetest and most patient man with me. Like he’s never hesitated to show me love or care. This last month has just been upsetting. I want to try to take that kind of media away.
You know that this is not you and all about her. This is not a normal or healthy situation for you or her. Intimacy is a normal and natural connection between consenting individuals. To be shunned or made to feel ashamed to desire a natural thing is not fair or correct. Simply end this situation and seek a person better suited to make you feel wanted and desired as a partner. Your happiness is just as important as her distaste.
For me, sexual stuff is a lot about the emotional connection as well as the physical. So if my partner just lets themself go and gain a bunch of weight without any good reason behind it (like pregnancy related, medical condition, sudden disability or something), I would be both emotionally and physically less attracted to them. I would feel like they didn’t care about me and that would turn me off.
My wife still has some weight left over from her pregnancy, which is entirely reasonable, and I know she’s working on it because she loves me and wants to look good for me. So I have never stopped thinking of her as anything less than sexy as fuck.
I somehow gained a little weight for a little bit during our relationship but she knew I started working out and trying to get myself back in good shape, which I did. It was mostly for her and now I’m in good shape. And I believe that it’ll be the same for her. I think that’s a healthy mindset for any relationship.
At the very minimum go and speak to a divorce attorney, give them a copy of your pre nup and the evidence of her cheating. Explain everything about your finances etc and ask the attorney for advice and what divorce looks like for you. There could well be a clause in the prenup re cheating.
Start planning your exit, start trying to separate your finances. But take advice from your divorce attorney.
As a woman, I can tell you that it is heartbreaking to feel like the only reason someone is interested in you, is because they want to F*ck. And right now, it is likely that this is how you are making her feel by bringing it up all the time.
By repeatedly saying “but it’s important to me”, you are telling her that her entire value to you, is that she is a hole to stick it in.
She is likely feeling pressured by you. And guilty for not being ready. And probably resentful of you too, for ignoring how she feels. And if you have noticed that your behaviour has changed, then she has too. So now she probably feels like you are punishing her for not being ready too.
Right now, it seems like you aren’t matched in this area. She needs more time to feel ready, and you don’t want to wait.
Also, do you actually what Physical Touch as a on-line language is?
You need to do nothing to fix this. Your gf needs to fix this. Time and time again you have become the third wheel in your relationship. If your gf cannot understand how this makes you feel I am afraid it may be time to move on. Obviously her friend is more important in her life than you are
That reason is ridiculous, and no healthy person would go on a second date with a man like that because they liked his face. Get therapy, your decisions are dangerous and irrational.
This stance doesn’t recognize the tangible harm and thinly veiled indifference to the outcomes of paternity fraud.
Trust is built over time with confirmation. So while you will always know that child is yours, you expect the father to deal with possible uncertainty or an unknown betrayal forever. While disparaging any who disagree.
By demanding a paternity test you are attempting to protect yourself from fraud that you cannot legally fight otherwise. Reality is that most men are going to be heartbroken when they're betrayed in the worst way possible and it's going to cause lifelong relational trauma and damage.
If women in committed monogamous relationships want to leave a relationship over a demanded paternity test that’s their right, but they should at least accept why a man would want one. Instead of blowing up a relationship I would really recommend people who feel this way to talk with a therapist about their difficulties with empathy.
I'm not understanding the whole ego thing you're talking about… What I can say is that a healthy relationship is supposed to make you feel happier and more fulfilled than you would feel without the other person, this doesn't sound like it's the case for you so why continue a bad relationship?
Those are for people who are morbidly obese you're only 25lbs overweight , go to the gym
You both sound toxic. “I'll stay friends if you make it worth my while” you're not a friend. A friend doesn't require cash to be your friend.
He's toxic as well for misleading youand sleeping around.
Both of you need to grow up.
You eork from home, and you can't do it while living elsewhere?
Besides this really isn't about her in particular. She is willing to stay in your life for a long time even when you are undecisive. If you reject her, you also reject possibiluty of having loving partner in your life in general. All for the sake of your “passion”.
Can't this passion be compromised, do that you stick in this type of work while pursuing commuted relationship as well? Yes you would have less time for your passion, but does it mean you would lose it completely?
Personally, I think a loving partner is a thing to cherish above all else, as it brings the most happiness in life in a long term. This is however my own, personal. take
Who should I be talking to about this stuff?
I dated a girl for a year and have been friends with her for the past 4 years. She is one of my closest friends and recently we’ve had issues in our friendship as a result of me being groomed (didn’t know this is what was causing the issues until recently)
Do you think I should open up to this girl and explain someone happened to me when I was younger that is causing these issues between us or go just talk to people at the group sessions?