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Your obsessive thoughts does sound like OCD. So just focus on that. OCD can be genetics so maybe you should consider medication, in addition to talk therapy. Also, maybe you should take a break from relationships altogether until you get this sorted? It seems like it ruins your life right now…
Why don’t you tell your friend to take a seat over there.
Couples' therapy is great when you have two people who are both committed to making the marriage healthy and are both aware that they have some work to do on their own end to make that happen. That is not the case here.
Do not do couples' therapy with an abuser. The couples' therapist will try to find middle ground, and middle ground between abuse and normalcy still involves some amount of abuse. In addition couples' therapy will teach the abuser a whole new language and skillset for gaslighting their victim; the end result is they get better at screwing with you and the therapist validates them. It's not just unhelpful, it's actively harmful.
You need individual therapy to cope with your trauma. Your wife needs individual therapy to help her understand why she does the things she does to you, but that will only work if she's actually committed to fixing them. I do not think she is.
I would consider what did as cheating. If my partner said that if he didn’t have a girlfriend then he would be with the other girl, that would be cheating. A type of emotional cheating I would say.
It’s okay to get rejected. Take it and learn from it. I agree that you’re approach was a little … awkward … at best, so don’t ignore her when you see her again. Just act like it didn’t happen. That’s the best way to avoid awkwardness, and she’ll feel a little awkward. Just act like you did before this happened without bringing it up. If she becomes interested in coffee with you, she’ll approach it. She knows you’re interested in her now.
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TLDR I’m not sure if I should have my Father/Daughter dance with my dad or stepdad who I spent the most time with.
I had a small wedding ceremony with my husband [27M] in January with only our parents in attendance, but we’re having a reception/celebration next week with family and friends. My MIL planned the whole party, and she’s very excited to have a mother/son dance. I want to fulfill her wish as she has put a lot of time and money into this, but I have a personal problem that’s getting in the way.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 6, and my mom quickly got together with my now stepdad. It was clear they got together while my parents were still technically married. My dad was no saint, so this never bothered me, but it does still upset my dad to this day when my stepdad is mentioned. When I was 7, my mom and stepdad moved me and my brother to another city hundreds of miles away. This made it difficult to see my dad as often as I wanted to, and he worked in a demanding field where it was difficult to take time off. He did his best, and I was always close with him.
Since my wedding plans started, my mom has been making comments suggesting that my stepdad should be treated as my real dad. She was upset when my husband asked my dad for permission to marry me and not my stepdad. She also suggested I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. I had my actual dad walk me down the aisle, and I never mentioned my mom’s comments to him. She believes that since my stepdad had more of a part in raising me, he should be given these roles. I could see her position if my dad was absent or deceased, but he’s neither. I don’t think it’s his fault she moved us so far away. I also adore my stepdad, and I feel very lucky to have him in my life.
Now others in our family have been repeating her comments in agreement. I asked my husband if it was okay if I didn’t participate in the father/daughter dance at all because it has made me so uncomfortable to possibly hurt my dad or my stepdad’s feelings. He’s totally fine with it, but we discussed how it might be weird and obvious if I don’t participate and he does. I’m not sure what to do.
Btw never lose that flatmate cause she’s a real one
Wow. Why are you with him again? And don’t say ‘because he’s wonderful….’
Seems like you're the problem here. Sexually assaulting her WHILE SHE SLEPT. Leave her the fuck alone.
Thank you
Helped!
Exactly this. OP can find another woman with better moral values, one who won't have him questioning her loyalty the entire relationship.
If they limited visits to like 2 hours then maybe I would be cool with every week (twice a week sounds daunting) but they always have to linger for like 6 hours and it is just exhausting. As soon as they leave MY HUSBAND NAPS.
Sounds like she only invites him and lied about the others. Speak to your bf
Oh your girlfriend deserves to have all the details so she knows that she is not the issue here, you are. Why should she be left thinking she’s the problem, just so you can feel better. Be open, honest and direct. Then let he go.
You’re not overreacting. She’s disrespecting your boundaries.
I suggest you guys talk it out, and if she can’t respect the fact that you don’t like what’s going on with her and her coworker, then maybe you should just end the relationship.