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I say this with a lot of love but have you thought about therapy? I read in another comment you have anxiety and I think it would benefit you a lot to talk to someone that could give you coping skills. This sounds like an extreme overreaction to what sounds like a joke and it seems like you’re projecting a lot of your own anxieties and insecurities into your husband, which isn’t fair to either of you.
Don’t stay for the kids. It may sound noble but it’ll cause more harm than good in the long run. They’ll pick up on your dynamic with your wife, assume it’s normal, and bring that dysfunction into their own relationships. Know this, she chose to cheat whether she wants to fully own up to it or not and cheating is always a decision, not a mistake. Your trust in her if forever broken. You’ll always be on her case about everything and she’ll always be on egg shells needing to prove everything to you. It’s not healthy for either of you.
If you're not comfortable telling him “hey your dad keeps making passes at me and it's not okay can you talk to him” because you're afraid of his reaction, he is not the one for you.
Heartbreak is just like any other form of grief. It dissapates over time. You'll get the odd painful twinge every once on a while but less and less as time goes on.