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Not to mention, if you do decide to go through with it, prepare for your BIL to never trust you with any personal information ever again. You’re losing someone that can be an ally to you if you plan on marrying into the same family.
He sounds like a teenager. Call me crazy but dudes who are obsessed with social media and retweet other women like this are childish and boring. Move on to a man sis. This is tragic and lame. He sounds like a d bag. Sorry but. Who does that live! except for douche lords?
You've never smelled his minty/bad breath or his soap/shampoo/b.o. You've never picked up his socks or washed his dishes 19 days in a row. Go for a vacation first. Love comes after the 19 days of dishes.
Elaborate please
Well first of all that's just isn't how therapy works and also you should go to couples counseling cause your issues seem silly.
I know my reaction was terrible, I never acted like that before & I don't intend to again. I've already made my peace with not having kids. I'm not going to justify how much I love her.
I'm just looking for insight & guidance from people who have been in a similar situation, from either side. I want to make this right & be better for her, for us.
Sorry ?
Honestly? Let the poor guy go and be with someone who doesn’t feel the need to explain how unattractive they find him in pretty much every possible way despite claiming they love him for who he is.
The only reason why other people are telling you that you can do better is because of how much you act like he’s not good enough for you in the looks department. The only way they’re going to stop is if you stop acting like you’re unsatisfied with him simply because he’s not got a ten pack and a face that doesn’t make people explode from merely looking at it because of how handsome it is.
I mean by this logic his mess up was expressing in a monogamous relationship the desire for a threesome in general because (again by this logic) he is implying being with OP isn't good enough and he wants to involve another person in their relationship.
If the distinction of it being a fantasy vs an actionable idea is access then why is that a distinction? He'd still be thinking of another woman besides her that he's attracted to. If OP were insecure she would still be pondering why his mind is thinking of other women at all and that could sour her opinion of him. And by the opposite token just because he can find other people attractive doesn't mean he'll convince himself into cheating on her with them.
Also threesomes is something monogamous couples don't give too much thought too highlighted in that last part, finding someone you don't now to have noncommittal sex that the third person has rigid boundaries (no kissing, no sensual touching, no saying too many intimate things, no looking at them a certain way, being ancillary to the couple's pleasure) is little more than being their disposable sex toy to be discarded and forgotten after the affair. How would that feel like to the third person?
If you aren't secure in your relationship enough to enjoy a threesome fantasy to it's fullest safely while treating the third person like a person then why even have it? And to be clear I'm not knocking anyone for that, sharing your partner isn't everyone's thing. But I think it's pretty unfair to cast him as a potential cheater just for expressing a fantasy, it isn't violating to think other people are attractive. That's not the same as acting on it.