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Man that’s an overreaction. Sorry she’s gone, but it might be for the best. I don’t think what you said could have come across as insulting to most people… you didn’t cross the line.
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If you're unhappy then you should end the relationship, with things being this extreme already I don't see it changing. Your gf is unstable and would benefit from being single and working through her issues on her own. She sounds very codependent.
You tell your wife that she has 24 hours to convince her friend to tell her husband or your wife needs to tell him.
And if neither of them say anything then you need to tell him.