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This sounds like relationship OCD. It wrecked my relationships before I learned more about it.
breakup with your partner? Dont be that shitty person that strings along a person. In my eyes, “once a cheater, always a cheater” With the “once a cheater, always a cheater”, what did you expect from the woman?
Just say he’s sick. Simple as that.
There are literally psychological studies that argue otherwise. Unless you’re asexual, sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship.
Is providing gloves to fill your gas tank a European thing? I have never heard of that.
You, 27, had a child with a 21 year old you have known for roughly a year, who is still best friends with her middle school bestie–and you told her you hate her bestie, while she was heavily pregnant, two weeks before she was due? You then continued to sleep soundly with both eyes shut, aka, you went to a club when you said you were going to the store without so much as warning your pregnant, could-pop-anytime GF, to find a buddy's wallet?
OP, you need to find a -successful- adult somewhere in your friend group or general sphere. One who stays on the outskirts of the group, is not ever involved in stupid drama, and is willing to advise you IRL.
Fine print: your GF is doing stupid 21 yr old shit with her crappy best friend and you have made a series of bad choices that alone, would not be giant problems, except now you are tightly entangled in raising another human being to maturity while both trying to reach it yourselves.
The baby in your womb is not “your body.” It has separate DNA than you. You're essentially giving it a piggyback ride.
Look, as a woman who understands the fear, she has to make a judgement call at some point on the people she allows into her life.
She’s probably scared because Susan is dear to her and she had some unexamined bias about how abuse “doesn’t happen to smart, stable women like her.”
The fact is it can and it does. Nobody is special or immune. She’s trying to exert some sense of pre-emptive control over her own future because this experience is freaking her out by proxy so she’s scrambling for any “reason” she can find that will help her avoid abuse.
If it helps, it’s not so much about YOU personally posing a real threat as her fear of the non-specific is at war with her ability to rationalize specific circumstances. (Because Susan probably rationalized a lot of red flags, herself. It might seem like this guy “suddenly” escalated, but I guarantee you there were warning signs. I’m absolutely not blaming Susan for what she’s been through but there would have to have been blindspots in their relationship.)
That being said, she’s throwing around a lot of heavy concepts and shifting all the work onto YOU to alleviate her fears. Therapy is a fine idea—for her to unpack her anxieties and examine how she chooses to trust people. The impartial professional supportive guidance of competent therapist would be her best defence against finding herself in an abusive dynamic, actually.
No, that’s not how this works. Cocaine does not make you just assault people. If someone is already prone to violence, it could send them over the edge. But the fact is, your husband is apparently an inherently violent person. And you just don’t want to face the truth.
While it’s true that his problem is the abuser but he would benefit from therapy both internal with how he deals with it but also giving him direction on how to handle scenarios with his abuser. Instead of random people on Reddit, it would be an actual therapist giving him advice.
You honestly sound like a psycho and if your bf had any sense he would run. His friend is right, you have him hostage and when he gets a clue you’ll get dumped. Thank goodness people like you need serious intensive therapy
You are living in your fantasy world. You made the mistake of living for the potential instead of the reality. You want to believe he is good man. He may be a good man to his kids but and wife. But not to the online in GF/ maid/ nanny of 10 years that he would leave for getting pregnant. If he were to pass, his entire estate/ property that you put money in to would go to his family including his SS. You and your kids would be out on the street. Make sure your kids are your beneficiaries if anything you own in case something happened to you. Have a guardian set up for them. So you will need to see a lawyer all over again. You were better of living alone that to live! with having poor standards in a partner.
Your BF is an asshole. And you need to grow a spine and stop taking the abuse. And stop blaming yourself.
There’s clearly nothing to hang onto here
I think you need to make him your first ex.