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Birth Date: 1999-08-16
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2 mos. You are just learning about each other! Your reaction to the inappropriate criticism is appropriate, IMO. How old are you both? Maybe he is comparing you to his mother.
You have to decide whether he is worth the trouble of what may prove to be an unproductive conversation, or whether you should just move on. Good luck!
The issue here is how she handled it after you brought it up. She might not be interested in her bsf, but there’s an obvious lack of respect to you and your boundaries. Why would anyone continue doing something to their partner after they’ve expressed how it made them feel uncomfortable. You are not being controlling, you brought up something valid and you wanted to set boundaries so you felt respected. She just brushed it off and turned it on you. Massive red, flag, behavior like this will cause more issues in the future with more serious topics. You bring up it up again and if it doesn’t go well and ends up being your fault leave. I know people in relationships like this who end up with no self respect and it’s not fun.
Sounds like your husband needs therapy.
No.
That is all.
If you haven't cheated, take the test! What are you hiding?
I got two very different points.
The first is people come and go in life, but an SO is a rather permanent position.
If you need the approval of your friends to feel secure in your decisions, how are you ever going to be your own person?
The second is if mh is already a struggle, what business do you have trying to make this decision, right now.
You gotta be the center for your own self confidence and emotional stability to have a shot at being happy in life. Period.
Until you figure out how to do that and be perfectly stable solo, you won’t have the tools you need to not see the world in shades of rose or flip side, you’ll continue to be influenced by others.
So trust what you know. It didn’t work out once. People don’t change drastically in under a year. Maybe physically, but never mentally which means you’re going to fall into the same patterns that lead to a breakup. It’s a waste of time.
That time is better spent on yourself at the moment. Get the mh right, then build your self-confidence in your own decision making.
So a bunch of people are talking about hygiene, which is a valid point. You say you guys have used it together anally, which changes things. But just so you are aware. Even with cleaning, it's best to use anal toys as anal, and vagina toys for vagina. At the very least use a condom.
With all of that said, let's move on to the actual problem here. What did she actually say? I think it's important you give her a little space to collect herself and then go talk to her. Why is she mad? Because you used her toy? Because you were doing anal without her? Because you were doing anal in general? It may be she felt that was something you two only shared and now feels that was a lie. it could be because she's scared you're closeted(not saying that's the case at all). Theres a multitude of things that could cause her anger, so you've got to talk to her to figure it out. You said she's not a big fan of anal, maybe explain to her that you felt by doing it solo, it was best for everyone. She didn't have to engage in something she's not a big fan of and you got to enjoy something you enjoy, with no shame involved. Also explain to her how her reaction made you feel. Not attacking her but telling her your emotions. Maybe she doesn't realize the way she makes you feel regarding anal. The only way through this is communication. I highly recommend giving atleast 30 minutes to an hour after the incident so everyone can cool off and not be immediately caught up in the emotions
Not only do they not leave the house, but they also, very clearly, do not take care of themselves. Physically, they don’t bathe often, brush their teeth, get haircuts, or any other form of self-grooming there is available. They do not go to the doctor routinely and one of them doesn’t go to the dentist. Their rooms are full of dirty clothing and garbage. They don’t have a minimal social life, they don’t have a social life. My father and I saying hello is their only social interaction during the weekends, they don’t even interact with each-other. Neither of them went outside for weeks at a time, that is not healthy. That’s a medical fact. They also don’t eat well and have put on a considerable amount of weight in the last few years.
I think the best way to address it is “I'm sorry if you guys saw something you didn't want to see, but this is precisely why we do not just walk into other people's homes without calling ahead and knocking when you arrive. Me being your son does not exempt you from this. I understand that maybe you were trying to surprise me for my birthday but this was not the way to go about it.” You gotta remember, they arent the wronged party here, you and your boyfriend are. You should be able to bang in your place with the reasonable expectation of privacy. Guests, even family, should knock.
I read “My boyfriend won't allow me…” and knew immediately that we were dealing with and insecure, immature, controlling young man. My dear, please, don't let anyone tell you what to do with your kitten.
Larger stones are presumably going to add to the cost. I think you're being a ring diva. Accept the ring as it is. Down the road, go to a jeweler yourself and ask about upgrading the stones. I'm sure it's a fairly minor fix. Don't make this ring a bone of contention.
Tell him you're sorry you expressed these misgivings and the ring as is will be fine. And then, like I said, privately inquire about modifications after your married. And pay for them yourself.
It is an option for sure, we did that when he came here 10 years ago.
I stayed for a year and then made the move.
It wouldn't be ideal, but doable nonetheless.
I just worry about doing that and then him still not making any progress toward applying for anything because he is happy here.