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Alessa Divine, 23 y.o.
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Everytime someone brought this shit up they've already cheated. Stop being a doormat and dump her. It doesn't matter what happened back then, she has already proven she doesn't value monogamy as much as you do. Cut the weight and be free.
Oh god, I don’t know what’s worse – an emotional or physical affair. Emotional would hurt me much more because now my partner has feelings for another person and maybe even likes them more than me.
I’m not sure how an emotional affair won’t eventually turn into a physical affair. If you have feelings for one another, you’d eventually end up sleeping together.
I would ask my partner to change jobs or it’s over because even if I think about it rationally, where does my relationship with him stand if he’s emotionally involved elsewhere?
Ignoring everything else…why do you want to move in at such a young age?
That's not your girl bro.
But let's give her the benefit of the doubt for a second, maybe she does just have a serious drinking problem and becomes a different person when she's drunk.
If she's actually willing to work on that with your support, it might be worth a shot, if you think she's worth it.
30 is an interesting time in life where the partying and openness of the 20s start to get old and show their consequences in stuff like this.
Being judgmental and overbearing will not work out for you but you need to be clear that you can't be with her if this continues.
I had an issue like this a couple years ago with my current girlfriend who I'm now planning on wifing (we're both early 30s now)… albeit nowhere near as bad. She would just get inappropriately flirty and rude to me for pointing it out while approaching blackout. She would would drink faster and faster as she got drunker, a really unfortunate habit.
At the time I gave her an ultimatum that she had to get this under control.
She did. She stopped drinking for a few months and then we slowly started introducing casual drinks into our lives. I slowed down my consumption a lot at the time as well.
After that time, I didn't end up going back to my old ways. Neither of us did. We realized we greatly valued a more sober life, one we're still thriving in today.
Our lives were different then, we'd go to parties and to bars for no good reason except to wake up with a bad hangover and way less money…
Now we run and bike and hike and travel together… wake up early, seek out social life that doesn't revolve around getting wasted.
I mean, you've only known her a year and if you aren't deeply in love with her and see a future with her, it's probably not worth getting this deep.
Good luck in your journey of breaking up with her and finding a normal women.