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Alex and Lesya, 99 y.o.
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She doesn’t have any right or expectation to compel him to have surgery, any more than he can demand anything similar of her. I’m all for bodily autonomy. I’m probably reading too much into the presumed intent behind the replies, which seemed more like whataboutism or MRA talking points.
This is a crappy situation, but unfortunately this is pretty predictable. You can't invite a person to your wedding but tell them their longterm partner isn't invited and expect them to still come. The fact that it's your mother doesn't change that, it just makes it more sad.
Ultimately you need to decide if you love your mom more than you hate her boyfriend because you don't get one without the other.
Calling a cop would have been the best response
Parsley, in addition to her anger issues, does your GF also show signs of having a strong abandonment fear? For example, a few months into your relationship, did she start showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or try to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? Does she view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her? Does she usually hate being alone by herself?