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My advice is to block his access to your money immediately. Make him settle up with you. Then break up. Move on.
A person who will continually use your money and put you in positions where you are forced to cover them (when it may not be your turn) do NOT respect you. He does not respect you or your money or the time it takes you to make that money. You cannot have a healthy relationship with a mama’s boy who will not use the incredibly reasonable solution you already provided.
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She knows, she said he's controlling all the time but this is the first time it's been inconvenient.
Furthermore, I don't know if you've ever been in a bad situation, but it's a hell of a lot easier to get out when you realize what it's doing to kids vs doing to yourself.
This also happens when people have newly moved out of their parents home and have a job. They are suddenly free to eat all the crap they want without concerned questions.
Having a “difficult childhood” might be a mitigating factor in a criminal sentencing hearing but it doesn't obligate the victims of a crime to forgive the perpetrator. This person didn't even steal from some anonymous store or something, she violated the sacred trust your family invested in her by allowing her into their home, almost certainly knowing she'd be caught. Meaning this wasn't just a matter of her envy or greed but rather an act of self destruction. So unless she's willing to start therapy to reverse her desire to ruin her relationships things like this are likely to happen again and again. That should be the line you draw in terms of willingness to take her back. But also don't expect your family to just get over it. They're probably never going to fully trust her and that's something you'll have to consider if you move forward with her.
If your husband would rather you remain unhealthy, unhappy, untreated, instead of driving you to see a professional, then you need to get a divorce.
A husband is supposed to be your support, your rock. Not an anchor weighing you down.
You can know and not know. Especially if she has been SA'd or molested. One tends to ignore signs and wish for the best from people. The trick is for OP to go on the coffee date with man. It will shut him down immediately.
I see some red flags from OP. If gf is looking elsewhere to feel loved and appreciated I think OP is not doing a good enough job of making her feel special and beautiful. It may be subtle negging going on from OP. And the fact that OP is ready to leave over something like this, is also a red flag. I think OP is making gf feel insecure, and gf is excited to get scraps of affection, conversation and admiration from anywhere.
Not good. You have to take care of your alcohol problem, and yes its a problem, before you worry about your boyfriend problem.