I have ADHD but this spoke to me from experience of being on the other side. I was in a relationship where I had to do all of the work because things didn't occur to them, they didn't notice things that needed cleaning, they were more easy going so didn't plan anything etc. I wanted them to be more thoughtful and romantic and felt righteous when it didn't happen. On the rare occasions it did happen, I have to admit that it didn't fix anything or feel right, and soon enough I'd be complaining about the next thing they hadn't done.
When I was honest with myself, I realised we just weren't compatible. I knew this, but I loved them and was too scared to let go. I felt bad and it was easier to blame them on the surface when I could justify it with their failings, than face the underlying truth.
I don't know your situation but I know that being angry about something regularly for years that, if you're honest, isn't going to change, just hurts you.
Consider the motive, do you believe your partner doesn't care? Or that they are lazy? What is it that you think their behaviour means? That they take you for granted because they care more about themselves than you? I felt that my partner's behaviour could suggest all of these reasons, but had to admit that I didn't think they were lazy or selfish or anything negative really, just that they weren't like me. They didn't have any diagnosis, it was just a personality thing. So I was angry about them not being someone else, someone who was able to demonstrate love in a way I liked.
Your post asked how to move on, so I would say that acknowledging who they are, and whether that is a person you would ideally want to be with will tell you your next step. If not, then stop being angry at them for being who they are.
I broke up with that partner amicably, and we have remained friends for years. They have not changed at all, but found a partner who is even more laid back than they are, which works for them.
I hope you can save yourself some stress by accepting them or letting them go.
The fact that you don't say “I'm sure he didn't do this” is all the info you need. If the crime is something evil (by your definition) and you can't instantly dismiss it as a false allegation or mix-up, dump him and distance yourself publicly.
I told that there no way I would do all that for one of my female friends and I told her that I was feeling uncomfortable with this situation. As I was saying this two guys were blowing up her phone and she made plans with them in front of me. I feel bad as they’re were friends before she meet me and first I don’t wanna say anything but I didn’t like it form the beginning. I do love her but I don’t wanna keep seeing her if this continues
OP, I'm sorry to say the relationship has already died. We can look at it and say “yeah, that's a corpse” but only you can call time of death.
There is no magic way for you to make her change her behavior. To be fair, you started dating her with this behavior already in place, so it's you who have changed expectations. Be that as it may, your expectations have changed and you've said it directly: you don't want to keep seeing her if this continues.
Love is only the price of admission to a relationship.
I’m sorry you feel betrayed. I wish he hadnt lied to you. Lying is bad. All people do some form of bad big or small. That doesn’t mean its right and doesn’t mean you should accept it, but it doesn’t mean you have no one. Talk to him. Ppl smoke/drink/etc because of their inability to address some deeper issues. If you talk to him and really let him open up without judgement you might be surprised at how honest he’ll be about what’s truly bothering him. Tbh sounds like he was very stressed but you seem more focused on your feelings.
It's complicated they would accept and be okay with me leaving the country but they won't approve of me leaving the religion and I guess I'm planning on not telling them till im actually out of here. There's a possibility that some would never accept or even consider disowning me but this is my life and my decisions and they don't have the right to control me.
It is a horrible sentence if you will be adding a meaning that you want to sound horrible. If a girl says she doesn’t want to eat but when you have a meal, she changes mind – normal. If someone says they don’t want valentines – but when the day comes, they suddenly want it – seriously you don’t see such possibility? I guess it depends on the personality, but don’t add horrible meaning to a very simple statement of mine. Just because you don’t act this way doesn’t mean others don’t, I know I’d act this way and judge it through my own behaviour and know many girlfriends who are like this too. Women’s mood is affected by many stuff such as hormones and you should take it into account if you want to continue on critiquing someone’s mood changes 🙂
This is a different dating culture, I think not only US has this, perhaps Canada too.
It was a HUGE culture shock for me when I went to the US.
I've learned to adapt that you can NOT assume exclusivity if you're dating someone. If you haven't had that discussion, s/he is free to date other people.
She can spend her money on things for herself, it's not relevant for this situation. He should still pay for his part of their shared expenses. And do his part of their shared chores.
You shouldn't spend your youth on a guy who doesn't act his age. Not to say he's a bad person, but he needs to grow more on his own time. You need a partner who can grow with you and match your maturity level. From your post, you seem to be a very level-headed person and you will eventually find that special person.
Could she possibly have long covid (post-covid sequelae)? One of my symptoms (which didn’t show up until about four months post a nearly asymptomatic infection) was crushing fatigue and the need to sleep 12-15 hours on average.
If she had an ounce of respect for you, she wouldn't have even brought this up. When you choose to marry you choose to accept that whatever experiences you haven't had will either be had with your spouse or not at all.
Period. Full stop. The end.
If she truly loved you…if she had even a modicum of respect for you, she would not have even contemplated this. But she has done more than contemplate it. And clearly, she's well past the contemplative stage.
She has chosen to pursue it. The fact that you told her this would hurt you and she's completely dismissive of that kind of just says it all right there, now doesn't it?
I have ADHD but this spoke to me from experience of being on the other side. I was in a relationship where I had to do all of the work because things didn't occur to them, they didn't notice things that needed cleaning, they were more easy going so didn't plan anything etc. I wanted them to be more thoughtful and romantic and felt righteous when it didn't happen. On the rare occasions it did happen, I have to admit that it didn't fix anything or feel right, and soon enough I'd be complaining about the next thing they hadn't done.
When I was honest with myself, I realised we just weren't compatible. I knew this, but I loved them and was too scared to let go. I felt bad and it was easier to blame them on the surface when I could justify it with their failings, than face the underlying truth.
I don't know your situation but I know that being angry about something regularly for years that, if you're honest, isn't going to change, just hurts you.
Consider the motive, do you believe your partner doesn't care? Or that they are lazy? What is it that you think their behaviour means? That they take you for granted because they care more about themselves than you? I felt that my partner's behaviour could suggest all of these reasons, but had to admit that I didn't think they were lazy or selfish or anything negative really, just that they weren't like me. They didn't have any diagnosis, it was just a personality thing. So I was angry about them not being someone else, someone who was able to demonstrate love in a way I liked.
Your post asked how to move on, so I would say that acknowledging who they are, and whether that is a person you would ideally want to be with will tell you your next step. If not, then stop being angry at them for being who they are.
I broke up with that partner amicably, and we have remained friends for years. They have not changed at all, but found a partner who is even more laid back than they are, which works for them.
I hope you can save yourself some stress by accepting them or letting them go.
They vegan dating two years ago.
24 – 2 = ???????
It's a mystery. The world may never know the answer.
The fact that you don't say “I'm sure he didn't do this” is all the info you need. If the crime is something evil (by your definition) and you can't instantly dismiss it as a false allegation or mix-up, dump him and distance yourself publicly.
I told that there no way I would do all that for one of my female friends and I told her that I was feeling uncomfortable with this situation. As I was saying this two guys were blowing up her phone and she made plans with them in front of me. I feel bad as they’re were friends before she meet me and first I don’t wanna say anything but I didn’t like it form the beginning. I do love her but I don’t wanna keep seeing her if this continues
OP, I'm sorry to say the relationship has already died. We can look at it and say “yeah, that's a corpse” but only you can call time of death.
There is no magic way for you to make her change her behavior. To be fair, you started dating her with this behavior already in place, so it's you who have changed expectations. Be that as it may, your expectations have changed and you've said it directly: you don't want to keep seeing her if this continues.
Love is only the price of admission to a relationship.
I’m sorry you feel betrayed. I wish he hadnt lied to you. Lying is bad. All people do some form of bad big or small. That doesn’t mean its right and doesn’t mean you should accept it, but it doesn’t mean you have no one. Talk to him. Ppl smoke/drink/etc because of their inability to address some deeper issues. If you talk to him and really let him open up without judgement you might be surprised at how honest he’ll be about what’s truly bothering him. Tbh sounds like he was very stressed but you seem more focused on your feelings.
It's complicated they would accept and be okay with me leaving the country but they won't approve of me leaving the religion and I guess I'm planning on not telling them till im actually out of here. There's a possibility that some would never accept or even consider disowning me but this is my life and my decisions and they don't have the right to control me.
She obviously doesn't know you want her to leave. I mean it's her baby living there too so why would she leave?
End it. The open relationship was a way for her cheating to be legitimised.
I can't believe you aged 4 years in 3 days
It is a horrible sentence if you will be adding a meaning that you want to sound horrible. If a girl says she doesn’t want to eat but when you have a meal, she changes mind – normal. If someone says they don’t want valentines – but when the day comes, they suddenly want it – seriously you don’t see such possibility? I guess it depends on the personality, but don’t add horrible meaning to a very simple statement of mine. Just because you don’t act this way doesn’t mean others don’t, I know I’d act this way and judge it through my own behaviour and know many girlfriends who are like this too. Women’s mood is affected by many stuff such as hormones and you should take it into account if you want to continue on critiquing someone’s mood changes 🙂
I was not born and raised in the US.
This is a different dating culture, I think not only US has this, perhaps Canada too.
It was a HUGE culture shock for me when I went to the US.
I've learned to adapt that you can NOT assume exclusivity if you're dating someone. If you haven't had that discussion, s/he is free to date other people.
What? Are you the boyfriend?
She can spend her money on things for herself, it's not relevant for this situation. He should still pay for his part of their shared expenses. And do his part of their shared chores.
Right now he's doing neither.
He's shown you who he is, believe it.
You also had to drag it out of him.
Fair enough. Guess things are more simple than I'm making them out to be.
Bad news, you’re probably the side chick if the only date you get is burgers 3 months ago.
This is correct
You shouldn't spend your youth on a guy who doesn't act his age. Not to say he's a bad person, but he needs to grow more on his own time. You need a partner who can grow with you and match your maturity level. From your post, you seem to be a very level-headed person and you will eventually find that special person.
Yup She wants a baby, right now, not later, regardless if you do. Question, is this a deal breaker for you?
Could she possibly have long covid (post-covid sequelae)? One of my symptoms (which didn’t show up until about four months post a nearly asymptomatic infection) was crushing fatigue and the need to sleep 12-15 hours on average.
Wait hold on did your bf tell you he doesn’t find you attractive?
I'm not a fan of giving oral. When I say I'm a pillow princess unfortunately I mean it ahaha…
If she had an ounce of respect for you, she wouldn't have even brought this up. When you choose to marry you choose to accept that whatever experiences you haven't had will either be had with your spouse or not at all.
Period. Full stop. The end.
If she truly loved you…if she had even a modicum of respect for you, she would not have even contemplated this. But she has done more than contemplate it. And clearly, she's well past the contemplative stage.
She has chosen to pursue it. The fact that you told her this would hurt you and she's completely dismissive of that kind of just says it all right there, now doesn't it?
But you want a certain kind of ring. Go get it. Maybe tell him to return the one he got you?
That house has a spiral staircase and a bidet lmao