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I'm pretty sure they have ambulances and alcohol in most countries
So I fully understand why you have your issues, but I think that the NYE ship has sailed.
NYE is, to many, not a couples holiday (well, I guess it depends on the country you are from – maybe in yours, it is. It definitely isn't in mine; lots of people go to big parties with fireworks or concerts here).
You should have said something when she brought the issue up for the first time. That was the appropriate time.
Her acting differently in front of a group is a whole different issue in itself and shouldn't be mixed in with the NYE stuff.
She has invited you along with what, to her, is probably a normal way to spend NYE. She is not a mind-reader who automatically knows that you are someone who plans NYEs differently. So it's not like she's shutting you out – she invited you. Again, the fact that she acts differently when out with a group is not part of this; she isn't doing this in a “I don't really want to be with him”-conscious way. It's how she is in groups and to her, it's “normal”. To her, she invited you along and thus, you spend NYE together.
It is absolutely fair to say something like “I thought we would spend NYE together, as a couple, the two of us. This is actually really important to me. Could we do that next year?” But for this year, this is long over. She made plans, she bought a ticket, she sent you the link and you went along with everything. It would have been 100% fine to say something like “Hey, let's discuss plans, that's not how I imagined things” in the beginning, but not now anymore. Learn from it for the future – communication is key.
Why are you staying with someone you think might be cheating on you?
Why did you ask? Just get the toy.
Don't let anyone control you. Ever.
good luck
I don’t really see why people are saying there’s something missing here? She agreed to a marriage with a man who had no children and started their family from the ground up. Some people can’t do step kids. This is a giant wrench that’s been thrown into her life from out of nowhere. She would inevitably be responsible for a child that isn’t hers at some point if OP was to bring the son to be apart of their family. She doesn’t want him to be apart of that dynamic so she left. It makes sense to me.