“invaded and violated” as opposed to his feelings that she's awfully suspicious about having a once worn lingerie under her bed with stains on it in an otherwise clean room?
she claimed she tried it on and that's all… yet stains are present.
Sorry but her answers doesn't seem on the level so you can claim “violated” in response to justified problems with the given situation and provided answers but those problems still exist.
It will also be taken more seriously if he already has a record. And if he does they might disclose to her the need to be very careful about her safety while this continues
My take, and it galls me because it is the default answer on this sub…but you need to walk away.
Not necessarily because of the name change only, but because she doesn't view you as part of the family unit. As a result, the best thing you can do is resign yourself to the fact they they'll be “her kids”, will have her name, and get the best custody arrangement you can. Because they'd be your kids and you'd just be paying child support anyway.
So you actually did get raped and you need to dump his ass.
As a man, this shit is pissing the FUCK off. It disgusts me how men let lust get in the way of basic empathy for another human being.
This was also your virginity you lost. What could have been a beautiful first time is now a bad memory.
You are right, there are much more violent rape cases, but there is no point in comparing. You got raped and that is all you need to know.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Make sure this guy hurts from losing you. He deserves pain now that he caused you discomfort.
I’m so fucking disgusted at how guys just don’t get the message man. You seem like a wonderful human being and I’m sorry that you had to experience that.
Much love friend, I hope your road to recovery is a smooth ride and I wish you the best. ❤️
I’m an electrician and I work outside, sometimes shoveling, running home runs like a rafter rat, running an excavator all day, etc. I’m exhausted when I get home. I smoke a bowl, chill for a bit then I start doin shit that makes me look good to my wife.
Watch her cook dinner and wash the stuff as she’s done with it, brush her hair, help with kids homework, answer the thousands of kid questions,
What I’ve been doin all day is just taxing on the body, after the gym and a shower I’m pretty ok. Her on the other hand….. her mind is shot from the mental work her “job” intels.
Doesn't matter; you keep doing what he wants. He is making you averse to something so that you do what he wants instead of the something.
If you always do what he wants, you won't feel unsafe.
It's when you stop doing what he wants that you will pick up on the unsafe. It's why he's making you so confused that you can't even figure it how to not do what he wants.
Oh, i tought it was just pics from random people. That does not means he will actually do something, but i also thinks this is not nice. You need to talk to him about it.
I would say you’re okay then. I don’t see this as you mothering him. Relationships aren’t always 50/50. But if it’s always falling on you to pick up the slack and doing everything, then that’s not fair. If you’re feeling loved and appreciated then that’s the main thing and you’re lucky.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Hope you're doing better now. You deserve all the happiness that the world can offer! All the best! 🙂
I have been in those situations myself, and I have rejected romantic advances. You had enough time, but I suspect you were unsure of how to handle the conversation, so you followed the path of least resistance until you were overcome with shame.
I've had to rehearse how I respond to people hitting on me so I can respect myself while not escalating a conflict. This makes it much easier to handle it when it actually happens.
A bj before work and he's in a bad mood over the ending? Whatta little bitch.
We met live!, and are now in person
This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful furniture!
“invaded and violated” as opposed to his feelings that she's awfully suspicious about having a once worn lingerie under her bed with stains on it in an otherwise clean room?
she claimed she tried it on and that's all… yet stains are present.
Sorry but her answers doesn't seem on the level so you can claim “violated” in response to justified problems with the given situation and provided answers but those problems still exist.
If she doesn't want you after 1.5 months just walk. You want 30 more years of this?
It will also be taken more seriously if he already has a record. And if he does they might disclose to her the need to be very careful about her safety while this continues
That was advice that I have never in my life expected. Thank you.
My take, and it galls me because it is the default answer on this sub…but you need to walk away.
Not necessarily because of the name change only, but because she doesn't view you as part of the family unit. As a result, the best thing you can do is resign yourself to the fact they they'll be “her kids”, will have her name, and get the best custody arrangement you can. Because they'd be your kids and you'd just be paying child support anyway.
So you actually did get raped and you need to dump his ass.
As a man, this shit is pissing the FUCK off. It disgusts me how men let lust get in the way of basic empathy for another human being.
This was also your virginity you lost. What could have been a beautiful first time is now a bad memory.
You are right, there are much more violent rape cases, but there is no point in comparing. You got raped and that is all you need to know.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Make sure this guy hurts from losing you. He deserves pain now that he caused you discomfort.
I’m so fucking disgusted at how guys just don’t get the message man. You seem like a wonderful human being and I’m sorry that you had to experience that.
Much love friend, I hope your road to recovery is a smooth ride and I wish you the best. ❤️
You feeling traumatized doesn’t change that he raped you and was violent about it. I wouldn’t stay with him no matter how much you love him.
Are you sure he’s a counselor….
I’m an electrician and I work outside, sometimes shoveling, running home runs like a rafter rat, running an excavator all day, etc. I’m exhausted when I get home. I smoke a bowl, chill for a bit then I start doin shit that makes me look good to my wife.
Watch her cook dinner and wash the stuff as she’s done with it, brush her hair, help with kids homework, answer the thousands of kid questions,
What I’ve been doin all day is just taxing on the body, after the gym and a shower I’m pretty ok. Her on the other hand….. her mind is shot from the mental work her “job” intels.
He needs to grow up and be a husband and Daddy
Most likely.
Don't worry
19 was the age of OP when she start dating a 29 yo- – who is now calling OP paedo –
I've never felt unsafe around him.
Doesn't matter; you keep doing what he wants. He is making you averse to something so that you do what he wants instead of the something.
If you always do what he wants, you won't feel unsafe.
It's when you stop doing what he wants that you will pick up on the unsafe. It's why he's making you so confused that you can't even figure it how to not do what he wants.
Oh, i tought it was just pics from random people. That does not means he will actually do something, but i also thinks this is not nice. You need to talk to him about it.
I would say you’re okay then. I don’t see this as you mothering him. Relationships aren’t always 50/50. But if it’s always falling on you to pick up the slack and doing everything, then that’s not fair. If you’re feeling loved and appreciated then that’s the main thing and you’re lucky.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Hope you're doing better now. You deserve all the happiness that the world can offer! All the best! 🙂
You don't. However, it's only one more time. If you don't kick her out, think about how many more shits you'll have to deal with.
There's no “no shit” solution. Kicking her out is a “fewer shits ” solution. I can't even believe that you're contemplating letting her stay.
I have been in those situations myself, and I have rejected romantic advances. You had enough time, but I suspect you were unsure of how to handle the conversation, so you followed the path of least resistance until you were overcome with shame.
I've had to rehearse how I respond to people hitting on me so I can respect myself while not escalating a conflict. This makes it much easier to handle it when it actually happens.