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Why be with a person who is ok with people being pedos?
His family isn’t contributing to her child though. His mother left everything to OP and his siblings and OP is deciding to pass that down to all 3 kids. That’s his choice and it wouldn’t be wrong if he put that specific inheritance money towards only his biological children.
And to many of us in this situation that is irrelevant. That became her money. She chose her priorities and did what she felt was right. Good for her. He feels entirely different about it and wants to complete equality in the children to be the #1 priority. He doesn't want any single chance for any of them to feel less loved or treated differently. That is his choice. One I personally think is the better path. All the rest fo what you are typing is irrelevant to that. It doesn't change it one bit.
A relationship partner is someone who really sees you and cares about all of you. Hiding a struggle from that person means you’re only giving them part of you.
I feel pathetic and stupid
Tell her. It is not okay to let her make uninformed decisions about her life and future. If you have to, find a way to do it anonymously. It’s safe to assume you weren’t the only woman he pursued over the years. Maybe the wife knows, maybe not, but she deserves to have all the information and the man child surely isn’t going to enlighten her.
Okay. Well she also isn’t his wife. So guess that helps his side. But then he should be prepared to lose the kids. I mean, not married & she’s their caretaker… again, not saying her cheating is okay though.
Your first red flag, a huge one, was the fact that he hid a whole ass kid from you.
My husband and I have been smoking for a few years and we have 2 kids in the house. There are definitely precautions one can take to keep the smell out of the house. I would recommend that (if possible) she create a cozy smoking spot/chair/corner as far away from the doors and windows. There are airtight containers on Amazon for $10 that she can store her supplies in that will help with the smell, she can keep it outside (if possible). Other people have recommended a special coat for smoking, this is a great idea too. Or she could change into new clothes when coming in. It’s pretty impossible to keep the smell off of the clothes you smoke in. Wash hands, use lotion, mouthwash, perfume or whatever else she can think of to help. The smell will rarely be 100% clear, but there are definitely ways to keep this manageable and help you both feel comfortable! I hope this helps and you guys can find a system that works. Best of luck!
good job.