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Stop the hats? The baseball caps?
I'm a fan of giving it back or chucking it as well (because honestly there's just nothing she could say that would be worth reading). But a third option can be having someone else you know and trust read it, and tell you what's in it. Like a human filter.
I wouldn't suggest holding onto it for a few years. That's just making it a weight around your neck.
Please don't have kids in an environment like this. You will be a single mom caring for 2 kids and ur partner. Kids just add to the stress he already has. You don't want to crash too.
Good luck Greg. Talk to her. Honestly and without accusation. In our 24 years married and 28 years together almost every problem we’ve ever had boiled down to one or both of us not communicating effectively. We committed to putting each other first, before all others, in 1999 and it works!
I'd be telling T in future (outload) to keep his hands to himself. It's more than ok to stick up for yourself in these scenarios rather than letting it continue without saying anything at the time. T may have forgotten what happened but I doubt it, he knew what he was doing. If it makes you feel better telling your bf, go down the route of asking if T's the touchy feely type when drunk as you didn't want to misinterpret T's character and make bigger assumption than it was.