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9KAngela π, y.o.
Location: Europe Spain
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This is ridiculous. Sounds like they literally just started dating. Sheβs about to turn 30, he must be of similar age. He should be insisting she still go and if he wants to, they figure it out together. Neither her or him should ever expect you guys to foot his bill, or her to bag on the trip she wanted to go on. They are 30ishβ¦time to adult. They can be apart for one weekend.
I agree I think you need to Lawyer up and check to see if she's already seeing someone. I'd hazard a guess that she's probably seeing someone and wants the security of you and the family while getting her rocks off with the new BF. FWIW I know a lot of women end up feeling stuck with the identity of 'Mom' and feel like an extension of their kids/family, especially when the kids are young and dependent. Fooling around with someone else makes them feel like and individual again and their own person.
As for the heartbreak – remember this is temporary pain. Muscle through this, talk to someone – friends/family/therapist/support group and talk through it all. I'd also ask her straight up if she's seeing someone. You should know for the sake of your own health. Depending on where you are it might not help in the divorce, but I'd want to know the whole truth, even if it's painful.