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Do you though? You are like a child who wanted to play grown ups, but now can’t deal with the reality. Your poor wife is dealing with an actual tragedy and has to come back to….you.
After the third month it’s pretty easy to assume he’s not coming back and if he does you’re not going to just leap with joy and accept him back. You’re going to move on with your life.
Doctor seems to say until about 3 months, it's still significant. Her mother had several and her aunt one too.
You are both controlling and immature, but I guess that's what works for you both. Considering it's not a deal breaker for either of you. Hence why you've been together for a year and a half.
Arguing about who has more controlling tendencies is childish. You're both controlling. Decide how you two want to deal with it. One being more controlling than the other is not worth celebrating or pointing out unless it's to extremes. That makes you both sound exhausting and again for lack of better word childish.
Your boyfriends idea is perhaps the best route for both of you. Considering how controlling your relationship is on both sides, you should probably apply it.
As for in and out of this relationship you guys need to learn what boundaries are.
Divorce him