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If this is a real post (doubtful) I am 100% certain that your husband does not have an objection to women farting. He has a fetish involving butt plugs and the idea of your farts being held inside. He’s getting off on it.
No shade on mutually agreed upon and negotiated kinks. Secretive motives and dishonesty? Creepy and abuse.
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Then you have three options in my mind:
Tell him that you only want to hear from him if he is ready to give you two a serious chance (although given the things you two have been through I'd be skeptical) Tell him to stop contacting you, you want to move on and you can't do that if you are still in regular contact (I'd do this) Block him, and move on (This is fine too if you just don't want to deal with it anymore)
Keep in mind, that's my read on the situation and I only know what you shared on Reddit, it's up to you to make the final call as to what you think is best for YOU.
Why do you want to stay with someone who isn't giving anything close to the same as you are to the relationship. You deserve better. Long distance relationships especially only work when both partners want the same thing and over time, figure out what the end game is to be together, like who's moving where. Trust and communication are the life's blood of a LDR. Without either of those, and in your case the communication definitely seems lacking, the relationship won't survive.
Whatever you do don't just ignore it. It sounds like not just casual porn but maybe porn addiction. The only way to save your marriage is counselling, with him having a commitment to stop porn pretty much. When you have an actual addiction, even a little bit is bad for you. Alcohol, drugs, porn, you have to stop stop.
I talk about it with her and she tells me it’s an OCD compulsion to ask the same stuff over and over and that I have abandonment issues but never have some exercises to help
No that's something parents do with their children so they learn the basics. OP is not this guy's mom. This is a grown ass man who can ask for lessons, watch the endless trove of YouTube videos about cooking easy meals, find easy recipes online, or read the back of the box for these easy heat up meals.