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I am guessing that your disapproval is a problem for her, and she’s either trying to be “the good girl” for you by not being that way around you, or she’s punishing you by denying you.
She sounds like the wrong person for you.
I wouldn't tolerate that behavior
You don't seem to know what exactly you're talking about.
Marriage itself doesn't do away with benefits. Benefits are determined by household income.
Marrying increases her household income to include his income with hers. So if they are still within the bounds of the income limits to receive benefits, it wouldn't matter if she was married.
You should be mad at the income limits. Have the income limits raised or done away with if you don't want benefits to be tied to the income of the home.
Those limits are laughably low, so it would be completely reasonable to be mad at the limits themselves. But being mad about a problem that doesn't exist (people don't get kicked off benefits for just marriage) makes you sound uninformed and people will ignore your argument or worse, see the topic itself as something to not take seriously.
Jesus, that's my BIL right there. Spoiler alert, OP: being married to this guy is hell. just ask my sister.
Thank you for sharing this. Your husbands behavior is awful: there’s no doubt about that. So often we read these stories and the abuse is so clear it’s dumbfounding why the person stays.
But you shared your husband’s good qualities as well. That is poignant and powerful.
You still may have to leave him. I think you have to be willing to leave him to have any chance of actually staying together. He has to know that things can change or they can end but there’s no going back.
I hope you can find a great solo therapist. I hope you can find a good marriage counselor. I hope he can find the moral courage to recognize the biases and fears that are leading him to try and reduce your joy and agency. Sadly, it can be hard to grow on the same schedule. But that’s marriage.
There’s a book called Crucial Conversations that I loved. I don’t think it will help you find the magic words to save your marriage. But it may give you some insights into what happens when people clash, and it may help you know that you did your best.
Good luck. I am sorry. Stay strong.
Everything about this post would be solved if you talked to him… Which is exactly what you should be doing when you're on the dating scene.
You don't have to get all the answers right now, but you at least should date people who have clear intentions and are honest with you.
Don't need to have a deep convo about it, just touching the topic though.
Imagine dating someone for 3 months only to find out that they weren't looking for anything serious.
When you could have discussed intentions in the beginning and get the response:
I would love for my to find someone to get to know romantically. I am not looking for anything serious right now
Of the two, which one would you rather date?
Date with direction and clarity. Don't leave things up in the air.
The last line was beautiful, kudos and stay strong
I wonder how she will react if a guy does flirt with her and buy her drinks hmmm
It doesn't sound like he's even trying to do anything for your bday. But he might be planning a surprise or something for you.
Also alot of people don't really think birthdays are a big deal once you hit a certain age. We aren't kids having birthday parties anymore. I don't think he needs to plan that far ahead.