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Stoic and keeping a level head, can easily be rationalization or intellectualization so with out knowing if you center your perspective or make room for both, it’s unclear if you actually do see the bigger picture or at least see it in a way that’s inclusive rather than invalidating.
For example, reading stoic as angry, could very much be an understandable read of the situation, especially if she’s from a warm family, and if they use withdrawal or reduced emotive expression to signal anger. Just because you’re not angry doesn’t mean her read of it doesn’t make sense or that she misses cues. And if you insisted that it didn’t make sense why she thought you were angry, and you blamed it on autism, then that could feel even more frustrating and invalidating which could easily escalate frustration even more. What you call a meltdown could easily be a reaction to continued invalidation.
And yes, autism can impact how people read emotions, but that’s when they MISS emotional cues. In her case that issue doesn’t apply, as she did read cues, ie she read you were angry. And people read cues wrong all the time, not because they have autism but behaviors can mean different things in different circumstances so it’s understandable to read cues incorrectly. The solution isn’t to assume they read it wrong but to understand why they read it as they did and to show that for you, that’s not how you respond when angry, even though others might. Along with that, for her, if autism does play into it, I’d argue it’s more likely she has a different autism trait, where its hard for them to ARTICULATING their feelings. So if that’s true for her, she could have a valid reason for reading you as angry, struggle to express or explain it, then feel invalidated as you work to show you’re not with out showing you understand why she read it differently.
I was leaning towards being on your partners side for the first half. I would want to be there for my family too even if it was my wedding day. But reading further on, it's pretty clear that his brother is mentally ill and needs help with that, not scans or operations. This is clearly going to be a recurring thing and he needs to sort it out or at least stop dragging your partner so deep into his problems
And then distance yourself from this woman because she is obviously not your friend.
I haven’t asked him that directly but maybe I ought to. Your last paragraph really speaks to me so I’m thinking I may just let it be. Thanks for the response
Pretty simple. You don’t want kids, she seems to want them because that is a terrible control method. Condoms are such a non issue. I don’t understand her reasoning behind denying it. They have some good ones out there that you can barely tell and some fun ones too.
Start by asking her why she doesn’t want you to wear condoms. No means no, even for men. No condom, no sex. Simple as that.
I am not sure I believe it happened.
Smokers do not give a fuck
Yes, tell her before she quits. It sounds like this relationship has run its course and you two need to be apart. So you both can be happy.