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Idk bro, me? Id just ask my girlfriend, tell her the situation, and ask for complete honesty. trust one way or another is important. Either she’s lied to you in the past and will lie again. Or she’ll spit out the truth. Or you get extra info
This sounds like a really strange thing to get so upset about. Especially after an entire year of dating. You would think she would know you well enough not to let one comment ruin your relationship. It wasn’t even a mean/bad joke! I would have laughed so I’m not sure what pushed her away to that extent. Seems like there may be more to this in her mind.
If you’re looking to feel like you deserve better, like you have the “right” to leave, for it to feel okay for you to go before you leave you’ll end up staying for the rest of your life. The abusive environment you’re in will not give you the feelings you’re searching for. It won’t permit you to feel those things. You’re being abused. You’ve been abused before him and you’re not going to feel like you have the right to leave. You will not feel safe leaving. It’s going to feel like shit at first. Abusers will make you feel bad for “abandoning” them. It’s just how it is. You have to pick up the self doubt, uncertainty, worry, fear, and low self worth, and walk right out the door with them.
I left a cult and an abusive 20 year marriage that was nested deeply within the cult. I left with nothing. No job, no education, poor mental and physical health. I fled with my 3 kids to a womens shelter as I had no where to go.
It’s been hell. There’s some things I wish I would’ve done a little differently, but even then, I’m not sure I could have managed. I ripped the proverbial band-aid off and left. If you need someone to talk to please do reach out to me. My dms are open to anyone having a very hot time.
I wish you safety and a life full of joy. You deserve it. Making that happen is not a cake walk. When you’re emotions and nervous system are disregulated, your health is not good, you don’t have a social support network, and poverty is what you may face…. It’s fucking hot. I won’t sugar coat it. It’s better than abuse though OP. I swear to you. The life of poverty and challenge that I online is better than abuse. I’ll chose this new life everyday over that old, scary, awful life. I believe in you. You can do this. There are resources to help you make a plan. Get out. You’ll never heal in an environment that has made you sick. It’s not possible.
OP, if I may be so bold, after perusing your post history a bit.. I think you know deep down that you’re trying to salvage this and that’s admirable to no end. But you need to do some very intentional soul searching, respectfully. Can you bare the thought that this may all be for naught? That you may waste some years making efforts and wracking your brain and coming live for advice? To be most blunt and transparent with it: are your efforts being reciprocated even slightly? Nobody can answer any of this but you, and there’s not necessarily a right answer if you can truly stomach the potential outcome and consequences.
To a total stranger based on nothing but life experience and text posts on-line, it sounds like you need more. More thoughtfulness, more validation, more energy, more love. And it sounds like you’re trying fiercely to make this work, which I applaud you for to no end. Please take all my words with a grain of salt. You sound like a decent human looking for some decency in return.
Please don't!! You and your son are 1st!
Sister is 25 and needs to figure out her own life.
Family has been enabling her and her husband to not be responsible for themselves. Tough love time!