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That's a tuff one, it's one thing to mess up and ask forgiveness and then making up for your mastake but to probably do it again to you with hanging out with his x again sounds really suspicious and maybe untrustworthy on that note.. I would say move on for now and c what the future holds for you.. maybe things will change for the better and you guys can reup! I left my wife with 2 kids a couple years ago for another woman for 2 years and had 2 kids with her also.. then I left her and was alone for a year then me and my wife got back together. R relationship is stronger than it ever was now I have all the kids under one roof with custody and I would slit my wrists before I ever cheat again. I fuked up big time and I still to this day cry to my wife asking for forgiveness , i even sing the song (Sorry- from BuckCherry to her), she says she is over it but I will always feel like a piece of sh!t for it and will never stop asking forgiveness.. It takes time to heals wounds that deep don't rush it dear!!!! If it doesn't work with him there r plenty of men out there who like hard milfs and will keep them company in the long run.. good luck
I am so sorry for you and everyone going through this. My parents are in a very similar situation, and it is very hot. My parents divorced 12 years ago, I was 27, and it was very similar circumstances.
The best advice I can give is to tell your mom that your relationship with anyone else isn't her business. You are an adult. Yes, what your dad did was incredibly hurtful to her, and likely ruined her life. You don't have to condone it. But just like your parents wouldn't cut you off for making a mistake like that, you can't cut one of them off.
She may have the moral high ground here, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to do as she says. It's very likely that she fears being replaced.
Do not talk to her about your dad, at all. Don't tell her about your relationship, and don't let her discuss how he has wronged her, in the past or now. Don't post on SM about time with either of them. Suggest that she attend therapy, or at least that her friends are the ones who should be the ones to hear that. It is totally inappropriate for you to bear that burden because you are an adult, but it is really common for people whose parents divorce when they are adults. Suggest that she block him on SM, but you can't make her do any of these things. And she can't control your relationship with your dad. Reassure her that you still love her, and will be there for her. That no one will replace her.
You aren't the only one. Understanding what boundaries are would help more.
Boundaries steer process, and process, well processes. Processes can't work without enough of the right things in the right sequence. It's like a song. You need enough of the right sounds in the right amounts in a specific order to make a good song. Process is just the name we give a sequence that makes a result as a whole. A song is a great example of how boundaries on each end of the extremes of too much or not enough, like we see in good music, use limits to make something in the goldilocks zone between them.
Process uses restraint to make something of higher quality. Boundaries correspond to quality, systems theory shows us that, and the work of Salvador Minuchin shows us how to understand systems theory in the context of couples and family.
So that said, you're asking about gifts but you are really asking about clearer boundaries on access to the resource of “high quality reassurance”.
That's a tough resource to seek out with CPTSD, because from my own experience with helping a loved one with it, the intrusive thoughts are feisty and a bit like a tsunami. But every bit helps and like Minuchin says, clear boundaries are way more helpful in relationships most of the time.
The problem is people think of boundaries as just our personal limits, rather than the limits for a process. When you understand what they are, the restraint that creates process to enhance quality that fuels a relationship, it's easier to improve things.
Appreciate the positivity