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Artem & Nika, 21 y.o.
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Unfortunately, there isn't the kind of closure you seek, in breaking up with a cheater. And yes, you are doing to have to come to terms that it was all a lie.
The grace for you lies in realizing you can go forward in your life without that now. He stole the past several months from you, but you've reclaimed the rest of your life. Don't berate yourself for not knowing; you were lied to, and there isn't shame in believing your partner. The shame is HIS alone. Yeah, fuck you Bryan! I was married to a serial cheater for 25 years and truly didn't know, until I found out. I separated and divorced very quickly, when it became clear he just continued to lie about it. It's the giant regret of my life, I have up so much to be his wife – he was a military officer and we moved all the time. I raised two kids under those tough conditions. But you know what? I did a fucking fantastic job I was a terrific (faithful) wife, made him look great on the job, raised well behaved, smart daughters who were a credit to him… none of that ceases to be true, just because he couldn't behave himself. He has a character disorder, clearly – and that's not on me.
What I did get, was the rest of my life free from looking after his ungrateful cheating, and the lies that bloom from his toxic tongue.
You need to spend some time single and working on yourself: this is a season to treat yourself kindly, reconnect with platonic friends who really make you feel like your authentic, fulfilled self. Pick up a new hobby or two. Explore your city, take a little roadtrip. Think of it as dating yourself for a bit. Connect with a therapist for awhile if you're still struggling to put the deception into context and can't find a healthy perspective for yourself – it can be so, so helpful and really help you fix your perception of relationships, expectations, and essentially “fix your picker.”
I divorced my ex 10 years ago now, and I've had a terrific time meeting my real self, even though I was in my mid 40s at that point. I've been with a genuinely sweet hyper-faithful guy for the last 6. He treats me like a precious thing, thinks he's lucky to have me. Acts like he struck gold everytime he comes home and I've got dinner in the oven. (He was a bachelor for a long time, after divorcing a cheater too.)
I wish you the best. I'm sorry that your reality has that there aren't answers when you leave a cheater, but that's his it works. I'm sure you were a great girlfriend to him – and you get to keep that! You'll be a great partner to whomever comes next. I understand the desire to make sense of it all, but resist the desire to seek that out from him – just be No Contact, block him everywhere, and do what you can to move forward and heal your hurt on your own.
Again: Not all men, but somehow always a man.
Well in all fairness, he’s not working so he had plenty of time to jot down a few notes of things his gf can do to get his life back in order. /s I’m wondering what exactly he plans to do for himself? creating that mess and expecting someone else to clean it up will hardly teach him a lesson.
Tell your boyfriend to grow up.
Based, but she didn't need to do any performative fawning. Just tell OP the situation
Which that doesn't bother me at all. Idc if he post other women and tags them, just don't ignore me while doing it, ya know?