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Communication is the only way to fix it. If he won’t talk to you alone, you need to go to couples counseling. Good luck.
In Ohio women can legally be topless but for some reason women only do it once a year at the community festival and even then it's like a small percentage of the women who go.
He says “no you won’t, I don’t want that chair in my house”. Backstory: In my old relationship I was badly abused and raped, and often that happened in my office, my current boyfriend knows that and when not allowing me to get my chair he literally said “I don’t want a chair in my house that you had sex on”, I told him I didn’t and told him he got his chair as well and I couldn’t know that about his either, he answered “well I sure wasn’t raped on my chair”.
WTH? How comes this guy makes your r*** all about himself? He lives with you, doesn't pay rent, but thinks he gets to dictate what office chair you have?????
And the more is what?
Maybe he just likes dating you. If the more is related to your kids or obligations that are super heavy on the commitment – good luck. He managed to go through a whole marriage without kids. How lucky. The signs are there lady. He's not a fan of commitment. I wish he would communicate this with you. So instead I'll give you a gem. Men and women sometimes just want to keep a light on. They know they have no intention of giving you the happiness you want. They just want to fulfill their happiness. And in the process, they will lie, gaslight, and bullshit you. Don't trust all the pillow talk. Trust a person's actions. And while no one should EVER blow up their respective life to fit into someone else, an effort is made. Either you get into those clubs. Or he takes a break from having fun to be around. Which would be stupid. It depends on how much you want from him. Think about it from his POV. Would you stop?
He's talking to you because he gets sex, cuddles, and back scratches from you without any commitment. You claim to have boundaries but those are actually rules and he's ignoring them. A boundary is behavior you can control: are you going to keep giving him your time, energy and attention or are you going to stop? If you have a problem with his sleeping around and not wanting a committed relationship with you, why are you continuing to keep him in your life? He's feeding you scraps and you're settling for it.
I know it can feel good during certain moments when he's being sweet to you, but the overall pattern here is one of manipulation and selfishness from him. It is TRULY TRULY better to be romantically “alone” than to be chasing intimacy in little bits and pieces that are sprinkled throughout a big, stinky shit sandwich.