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So when he says “I was inside that instead,” while you are actively having sex, that’s sexual abuse. Maybe he doesn’t realize it, but that would severely cause anyone that doesn’t want to do that distress. He keeps crossing a known boundary while you are at your most vulnerable. Maybe he doesn’t realize it.
You should explain this to him and if continues then you need to reconsider why you stay. Bluntly put, you need to break up with him because you are sexually incompatible. This is clearly something more important to him than you are. It’s something he wants to explore and it’s clear it can’t be with you.
If you compromise on this, it will destroy your soul. Stick to your guns. If you don’t do it it’s going to erode your relationship, if you do it, it will feel coerced and it will erode your relationship. So I’m sorry to say, ending the relationship is the only option left.
I would understand working it out with your sister and making sure she doesn’t feel excluded but I would make a hot pass on inviting her boyfriend. The situation is difficult and something nobody ever hopes to have to deal with but at the end of it all this is your day, it’s a monumental moment in your life and it’s okay to take the steps to make sure you are in a comfortable and stress free environment whatever that means for you. Go with your gut on this one. X