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Let’s set this straight from the jump. You didn’t tell your dad because you felt some kind of way about whatever the situation was. It had nothing to do with you and you went and shared that info with your dad. You are a gossip. You enjoy spilling the tea about other peoples lives. Nowhere in this story did I see you say something about reaching out to the other DIL to console her or make sure she’s doing alright so don’t pretend like this was anything other than an enjoyable time for you. You knew your husband didn’t want you sharing this info and you did it anyway. That’s what other folks like to call “breaking confidence.” This is a breach of trust.
Ur not overreacting, and i think its perfectly fine to have boundaries. She kinda overreacted about only wanting positivity if anything.
Experts recommend sleeping in the same room as the baby up until a year old. They do recommend against co sleeping in the same bed.
First of all, I'm sorry you are going through this.
Your trauma is deep and real. And I'm glad you are working with a therapist, that's very important, especially as you go through this. It's totally understandable that you have fears and trauma around someone seeing you hard.
To look at things from her perspective for a moment, she's been seeing someone for two years. She sounds more than ready to move to the next level of physical intimacy. Two years is a very long time in that sense, and while it is a slow process for you, she is completely in the dark about this. She's getting frustrated because she doesn't have any real answers as to why your relationship isn't moving forward.
In short, if you want her to be your partner moving forward, you are going to have to find a way to start telling her. To start opening up that trust. And if you can't, if you aren't at a place in your life where you can do that, that's ok, but that means you aren't in a place in your life where you can have a physical side to a relationship. Because after two years, with all due respect to your trauma, if you can't trust your partner with that kind of stuff, you aren't in a place to have a partner. While it's a major trauma, two years is a very long time. In effect, not only have you not shown yourself physically to her, you have been holding back on showing yourself emotionally to her.
So…what do you do from here? I'll give you that you likely need a little space to come up with a plan here. Call your therapist ASAP, and get in to see them in the next week. Tell them the situation, and that you need to figure out how to tell her, or how to ease her into it. They are the best person to work on that plan with you.
In the meantime, you have to talk to your gf at least a little bit. You have to open a bit of yourself to her so she at least has some understanding that she's not crazy for thinking this is unusual. You have to give her something.
“Hey GF. I know all of this has been weird and hard, and has probably left you feeling very left out. I should have had some conversations with you about this sooner, and I'm sorry I didn't. I want you to know this has nothing to do with you, and how much I care about you. The honest truth of things is that I have some major scars on my body that I'm very very uncomfortable about. I don't like seeing it myself, and I have never been able to show anyone else. Obviously, I don't even like talking about it and how they happened. Even telling you this much is a huge deal for me. I love you and I care about you. I want to be able to learn how to be comfortable in opening up more about this, where they came from, and how I feel about it, but I also need to do that as I'm comfortable. I want you to know that it's something I'm working on. My therapist and I are working on this together. I don't want this to be a barrier in our relationship, but I ask that you let me talk about this and progress with this slowly. I promise to you that I am going to open up more to you, but I need to do it at my pace.”
And in the end, if she's can't accept that, she's not the person for you. There are many people in the world, and most of us have gone through major traumas, emotional, physical, or both. If she's unable to understand that, she doesn't deserve someone as awesome as you. You are a survivor, my friend. I'm sorry for all that has happened to you, I'm proud of you for being here, and I hope you two are able to work through this.
Why are you throwing her into someone else's arms if she doesn't want to go. Sounds like you want out.
I was giving leeway cause the OP always comes back with “the just turned 18 when we started dating” when people call out the gap on these posts.
But, I totally agree and OP is a creep for it.
If you read through these subs, quite often the “other woman” finds out and contacts the SO. This is pretty typically how it goes. Folks want to remain anonymous because they don’t know how you’ll react and they don’t want their names dragged through the mud all over socials.
When my husband and I first started dating a female friend of his sent him a skimpy bikini photo on Snapchat asking if it was her aesthetic. I didn't even see it. I only saw the look on his face when he did. He was instantly upset, showed me, and replied that it wasn't appropriate for her to send him something like that, that he didn't want to see it, and that she knew he was newly seeing someone. I didn't have to ask him to do that. It's literally the bare minimum of showing respect to your significant other.
Your boyfriend is acting extremely dismissive. He should have shut that shit down and uninvited her without you having to express you were uncomfortable. His treatment of the situation makes me think he is either flattered and likes the attention or there is actively something going on that he isn't telling you about.
You two have so much stress and I get it. The thing is, it's stressful for BOTH of you. How about marriage counseling? Do you have family that could watch the kids maybe twice a month so that you two can enjoy a date night? Maybe even for 24 hrs once a month. Doesn't have to be dinner or a movie. Just hanging out would be wonderful! A night in a cabin, a picnic, something to help you reconnect. Good luck to the two of you OP. I hope that everything works out for you. ❤❤
2 months only, and she said she can split proportionally with me once she graduates, but she’s still growing out of the men should pay for everything mentality
Why a motel? Don’t either of you have a place? You aren’t happy. Why are you staying with him? It’s a new relationship and it’s not working. Move on.
Jfc get your head out of your ass. This man is dangerous. You need to leave.
Listen, with the open relationship talks recently, it sounds like she is cheating. Ask to see the time stamp.
That being said, I always laugh at these phone discoveries. “Well, I was walking through the room, when the phone remained unlocked for reasons unknown, ot was open to photos, as I tried to look away, it jumped across the room into my hands, opened, and was stuck to my hand, while my eyes could not close, so I couldn’t not watch the video! I WASNT going through her phone!!!”
You were going through her phone, a big story doesn’t change this. Usually it’s an indicator that trust isn’t great between you, so the rest of the story, along with the comments, isn’t surprising. You are having trust issues with her after the open relationship talk, had a hunch, and took an opportunity. It can happen when you feel something is amiss, but admit it to yourself so you can explore WHY you feel that way.
Facebook is trash – and “Facebook official” is some real immature stuff. That said – given the details you mentioned, you’re guy is disrespecting you.
He sounds controlling, domineering and is trying to isolate you. You're doing nothing wrong. He's also gaslighting you by saying you're not a good wife. Trying to make him happy will lead to your unhappiness. I'm not telling you to divorce him, I'm saying you should continue to stand up for yourself and let the chips fall where they may. He may actually realize that he's wrong. On the other hand he may not, but if you try and keep pleasing him you WILL be miserable. Good luck.