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Bell, 19 y.o.
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Have you both read the book Come As You Are? It's an excellent break down of female sexuality and how to get things back on track. I'm guessing that the change isn't about you or her attraction to you at all. It's about how she feels in her body after having two kids and in a very different lifestyle than previously.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. He's definitely the one that cheated. His story makes no sense. If none of the wives were present, there would be no reason to use someone else's phone.
Break up. Even if everyone is super nice, they are all unhealthily enmeshed and it won’t end well for you… if continue to put up with it and grow resent your GF until your relationship ends in flames. If you try to change her or force her to distance herself from her family, she will resent you, even if it’s for her own good.
Just tell her you aren’t compatible because you envision building a life with someone, not someone and their entire family. Maybe she’ll find someone who’s willing to be the caboose on their head-ass train, maybe this will be a learning opportunity for her.