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I'd say it's a mixture of both.
You need to be working on your own insecurities as well as your confidence and self esteem. You need to do some serious self love and understand your own worth my dear.
He has had a vasectomy and we do not want children.
Thank you for saying that. Because it truly feels like I ‘get upset over nothing’ because she says that. It’s been going on for awhile, but it’s more intense lately. She has always been loyal, that’s not a concern. But honestly I feel like I should ask anyway.
I agree that his previous relationship was definitely toxic and not fair to your boyfriend. However, this current relationship isn't fair to you. He's clearly hung up on his ex and ignoring your concerns, that is so far from healthy. You should try to have one more serious talk with him, and if he continues to refuse to address what you say, it's time to end it.