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thank you so much for your input. I guess it was just so good to be true.
Quite the ethical dilemma, there is no easy way here, he needs to be informed and will likely find out anyway.
Her partner needs to get on prep as soon as possible. He should take a pill today if he can. It’s likely he has it and his life is forever ruined in that he will have a really hot time finding a relationship and not be able to have a family of his own now.
Prep can prevent hiv but you usually need to take it for 30 days for it to work. If your friend had taken the right meds and gotten him on prep there would be less than 1% chance of him getting it so just know that’s common knowledge. Your friend new about prep and could have prevented this. Even if she lied and just said she only had unprotected sex with people on prep then he wouldn’t have gotten it.
People usually don’t go to jail for this stuff but it sounds like she should. I have met some pretty naive 20 something’s.
It’s kind of sketchy she’s having sex with such a young guy anyway.
People tell me 25 plus is when they’re emotionally developed.
Would you be comfortable enough to have sex with him?
Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome.
The problem I see is, that she seems so deeply woven into his lies, that she won't even be able to react.
That “I am your husband. I am legally allowed to do anything I want to you is scary as heck.
Like… guy… Welcome to the 20 th century. Actually….we are in 2023 by now.
Which century is that nightmare husband coming from?
My parents marriage blew off because my father doing controlling shit like that to my mother on the grounds of “I am your legal husband. I have a right to…. ” (controling her financially) in the 1960 ies in Germany.
She emotionally punched his nose, left him and got divorced. And this wasn't even about sexual abuse. But about being disregarded, fenced in and taken her rights as a human being away on the sole grounds of being married!
I am really shocked to see that this attitude seems to live! on until our days!
It's going to be nude for you to move past this I suspect unless you talk to you GF about her feelings. It wouldn't be unusual for her to still have feelings for her ex and hearing this news might have been very triggering. You've only been dating for 10 months but that is long enough for her to know her real feelings towards you. I would take the time to discuss where the two of you are in your relationship and even talk about topics like marriage. kids and where you would like to on-line. If you get ahead of this now you'll feel alot better about your future.
My ex was controlling and accused me of cheating after I stayed over at his place
Ok sure, I would have accused you of the same thing. Most guys would. I get it you said you didn't cheat and I'll choose to believe you but you put yourself in a really compromising situation.
As for the rest of it, I think legally he has a right to see his kids.
You’re not compatible anymore. End it and move on.
That can be true for sure but I could not tell you the amount of stories I have heard from people I know in the community or just in general that had no idea their child had any type of issues whatsoever. They usually just didn't know it was a disorder that needed to be treated or they thought it was just their child's personality. Or the other people who did not get a diagnosis until adulthood despite the glaring behavioral issues or sensory dysfunction they displayed throughout childhood. These are usually the stories of people who knew there was something different about their child and they literally chose to ignore it usually due to neglect, financial reasons or straight up denial that their child may need help. There are definitely so many parents who notice this stuff in their children but there are so many others who don't and it goes undiagnosed throughout life or undiagnosed until late childhood or even adulthood.
I'd like to know what the “stuff” is. If she's working full time too, and they are doing chores on the weekend, then he needs to participate. Maybe they can schedule partial chores, partial down time so they get both.
But if it's just “fun” stuff, then that's different.
Yr right. If they are invested, therapy. And respecting her boundaries is very important. I do think he could write her a letter and leave it on the fridge under a magnet in a week. But she could read it or not and he can't ask her about it or check in. I think he needs to try to find a way to reach out and let her know what she means to him even though she has asked for space. It's a fine line. Because if he doesn't doesn't do anything at all? She's gone. She might be anyway. But it might be worth a shot.
You need to file for a restraining order IMMEDIATELY. Sadly, i would very much relocate. These people are delusional and dangerous. You and your family are in danger. Your therapist is CRAZY to think what theyve done is in the universe of okay??? New therapist, new living situation, and please talk to the police ASAP. Please update, genuinely concerned for you and your family. You got this.