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I don't think I'll have peace if she stays with him but I get what you're saying. I need to step up and give her all the info so she can make her own choice. Its gonna suuuuuck
You have to come to the realization that this relationship is over.
It's not cheating but how would he know that? You purposefully hid that you were meeting up with your ex behind his back and continuously kept in contact. Why would she feel the need to hide? If it was so innocent she could have just been honest? That's what it looks like to him no matter how innocent you thought it was .Then people are gonna say he should just have trusted you, but you proved to behave in a distrust-worthy way, so I don't think that warrants blind trust. Is his reaction at first immature? Maybe, but he thought you cheated and I don't think most react rationally to that and especially when there is evidence to suggest distrust-worthy behavior. It has been 3 days since that night, he still seems angry sometimes, and I can tell by the way he looks at me. It’s the same look he gave me that night he broke up with me. I know I lost his trust, but I’m holding onto the hope that someday I’ll be able to get it back and my fear is that our relationship won’t be the same as it once was. It's literally been 3 days chill out, of course it's not gonna go back to normal immediately and it's gonna take a bit of time . Obviously he would still be upset, because it could have been avoided if you were just upfront about things( I don't even think you can get closure from ex's, it's something you give yourself, but that's beside the point). What can you do? Just learn from this and understand it's gonna take a bit of time. That's the thing with trust, it's so easily broken yet so very hot to rebuild.
Also been asked things that wouldve correlated to times of the previous relationship that I've answered to, unknowingly adding to what gets thought and pictured by.
Are these assets worth your dignity?
I say let her keep them. She's thinking she can get away with it because you'll want to stay around to keep some of her crap. Personally, I'd find the loss worth her shock.
This relationship does not seem healthy. She says toxic things and doesn’t seem interested half the time. You are clearly insecure and admitted you have mad trust issues. You love her but you don’t trust her. Without trust you don’t really have anything. You will never feel fully comfortable with her and then you’ll just get more intense. I get intense vibes from you. And then she will dump you. I think cut your losses here and grief the relationship and move on.
Don't think of it as a mindset, it is a deeply engrained believe, that she is not allowed to “cause trouble”.
It is basically like telling you, not to worry about a really basic every day rule, think like “Don't curse at your parents” and now imagine yourself doing that. Picture yourself telling your mom she is a worthless bitch for asking you to borrow her your car. (Or something that applies to you feeling like it is deeply disrespectful and not your place to refuse with a sprinkle of fear she would hurt you physically)
THAT is what it might feel like for your girlfriend. She can work towards letting gonof that feeling, but it probably doesn't help her to just demand boundaries.
Encourage her. Offer her to give you a sign if she needs (silent!) backup. Let her find a way to “not cause a scene” while still making her own position clear. Talk to her “we against the problem, not each other”. The problem isn't her not enforcing boundaries, it's her not feeling comfortable to do so and feeling even more pressured by you.
What can both of you do to make her more comfortable to reject people, to know she has the rightvto do so.
Please ignore all the 'legal' dating rules that people are spouting. If you are uncomfortable with anything, for whatever reason, then you have the right to feel that way. It is not about right or wrong, it is about how you feel.
Personally I would not hold it against him, he has done nothing wrong, but equally I would gracefully walk away. If he contacted me when he returned, I would let him down nicely. It is all personal choice, no one has the right to take that away from you, or judge your decision.
Good luck
Show her this post.