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Mate…that guys (late) conscience is trying to save you from an enormous mistake. Note also bro is making her – this is not coming from her.
Don't let this be the moment you look back on and think “I wish I had heeded that red flag”
She failed the girlfriend test. She hasn't even made it to the marriage test when life gets much harder. This is one of those awful situations that is actually a good gift in the long term even if it's a shite sandwich in the short term.
you should probably just…maybe get over it? I know that sounds harsh but she doesn't need to be by your side 24/7, and it's not fair to say none of your friends can go near her either.
Everyone deserves someone who loves you and has zero reservations about their future with you. This guy is not doing that for you. I’m sorry girl. If you stay, you’re going to be settling for the rest of your life for someone who didn’t SEE you for how amazing you are and jump on it. You do you, but I’d leave him.
Sorry to say but he has been clearly lying to you and he sees you as a trophy. If you get fat, ugly, or old, he will dump you. I wouldn't trust that kind of person at all.
I would just go there and tell her straight out :”I like you and I think you like me. We were not together when I kissed the other person and I did nothing wrong. I will not apologize for this but if I knew we would end up together I would not have done it because it hurt your feelings. So I want to be with you but if you are mad at me because of that I understand.”
Then she can decide and if she neither wants you or thinks that she has to give you another chance then you just leave her alone and go on with your life. Never apologize for something you think was not wrong. If you apologize for this she will use that against you in every argument and will repeat that behavior where she decides when you behave wrongly, even though you don't.
I mean it sounds like he pressured her into it after pitting the sisters against each other in hopes he could shtup them both
Payback?
Oh, payback would look a hell of a lot worse than this. This doesn't even come close.
Seriously if you want to continue whining about how men don't have *enough* control over women's bodies, and that they should be able to demand a woman have an abortion…go whine to someone else.
My advice: just dont give a fuc*.
Just tell him, use 'I' statements: “Person, it's been nice having you around but this is way too close to living together than I am comfortable with. I need my space back so you need to start living elsewhere/home/whatever again.”
I am not liking how this guy operates, by the way. You don't just start living with someone and give up your own space. AND at 25, he went from his parent's to your place? This guy needs to adult on his own for a few years.
Meanwhile, if he argues with you, double down: “Listen – I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. This isn't a debate.”
If he wants reasons which he will try to negotiate away don't give him any: “Because this is what I want.” “Because this is best for me.” “Because I want to live! alone.”
If he gets manipulative (like, 'But it's not fair! My parents don't have room anymore!): “You're 25, you'll be fine.” I'm sure your parents aren't going to make you sleep in the streets.”
There is only one acceptable response from him, and that is, Oh of course! Now he can be hurt or upset or whatever, but if he tries to negotiate, or guilt you, or manipulate you….please take that as a sign you are definitely doing the right thing.
Good luck OP.
You don’t owe him an explanation or anything. It’s been two years. Just block him and move on
I wasn't so sure about the whole gay thing, until you mentioned him being excited planning for the wedding. Yep, absolutely gay!
Yea I know what you mean. I guess I just figured when you found the right person the idea of being with someone else wouldn’t come into your head, in the years I’ve been with her I’ve never felt like this for another girl.
You aren't dating him. You don't need to tell him. Just start distancing yourself ….stop being available for him. He will get the hint
Yeah I know, just hurts when love suddenly dies in that moment. Can't do anything but accept but still hurts, I had finally thought I found my rock but yeah
These are the same people who fawn over the comic where the dad is like, “hey buddy, I brought you some pie from the dinner party downstairs so you don't need to say hi to anyone and can just stay in your room and play videogames”
Yeah this could be the heart of the issue you're right.
She's pretty much fine with the status quo and I want more spice and frequency.
It's pretty much always been like this in that I've had the higher drive and never really been an 'at night' kinda guy.
I'm going to have to keep on talking to her about this….urgh.
Thanks for your input though, it's all been useful. Much appreciated.
Cheers
Ok the low sex drive might not be a dealbreaker, but if he's said he'll look into therapy and still won't, that's not a good sign. Start being proactive and finding couples or individual therapy options to discuss. If he is on board and agrees to go, great! If you get pushback, then that's a problem.
It sounds like the relationship has run its course and you would be better off apart.
You should not quit. Gather everything you can, continue to report that man to HR.