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This is above reddit's pay grade. If that psych ward isn't working for you then you've gotta find a different one, not Reddit. Best of luck to you.
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He didn’t just betray his wife. He betrayed his family. That includes OP.
There are plenty of expensive things you can buy for yourself. You have someone who wants to make you happy, that's more important. Yes, you had a plan/goal but these things change, and in your case it's wonderful that it changed coz of someone's loving gesture. Apologize to her, and in the future be more mindful of how you word your feelings.
Glad that things worked out for you and your gf in the end. Your gf is a keeper. Please consider marrying her in the end.
Leave. This is abuse and it will escalate if you stay.