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We’ll be prepared for the verdict. If he is guilty and convicted or guilty but gets off on a technicality then do not contact him.
My cousin once looked the other way when he found a coworker downloading CP once. Well, he told the guy never do do it in his presence ever again and threatened to call the police. However my cousin didn’t call the police out of a misplaced sense of loyalty to someone he had worked with for many years
Big mistake. Anyone who would look at CP is an all round shitty human being. The pedophile eventually tried to get my cousin fired by sabotaging equipment and maligned him to other staff. That’s how shitty humans pay back loyalty.
My cousin did eventually report the guy but it was so long after the fact that it wasn’t investigated So the moral of the story is steer clear of people who have no morals.
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Imagine if your gf saw this post…I bet she will start questioning if she want to marry into that . That being said I feel like it would be wrong to pretend and date her thinking about ducking other girls. She deserves respect.
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OP-think about a few things-You go out of town, he cheats. Are you going to be around to babysit 24/7 so it doesn't happen again? Or, the next time have to you go out of town, are you going to be able to not worry that he is cheating again? Thing about cheaters and liars, after the first time, it just gets easier for them. Personally, I wouldn't burn any more daylight on him-He has proven he is not your guy. Good Luck OP.
No biggie. You were broken up. Next time you want to lay some pipe in a rando or ex just say your feelings have faded, then the next day ask her out again. Easy. It's not cheating if you're broken up.
Trust us all. This will happen again.
She’s been in porn.
You can have all the new wants you desire. Just be ready for most of them to not be met.
If you need someone to change to be happy. You won’t stay happy long.
There is no reference to this being the issue. Pretending your answer was the issue, it still changes nothing. He’s not interested. Wanting him to be interested to please your ego, doesn’t change anything. If she really loves him then she knows it’s not going to happen. Her love was answered enough to marry him and his interests lay elsewhere.
They can still have a happy marriage without it. Many a marriage has survived this way.
He’s gaslighting you. You are absolutely right to get out now that he has shown you who he is because people don’t really change
This is just the beginning. It gonna escalate.
Especially cause he blamed you. Said you made him angry. This a typical when it comes to abuse. He seem really sorry but still blames you. And he will continue doing this, better to get out now before it's too late.
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I don't want to loose her
Please, lose her.
Couldn’t even bother to finish reading your post when I got to how you two met and when you started dating. You need to stay gone from him and take time to learn more about yourself and take care of yourself.
Rights you would argue in civil court. But it wasn't where you were living. You were staying somewhere else.
You lied when you said you currently lived there. You didn't. You had rights to that you could pursue in civil court but you decided to pick a fight instead.
Now you got a restraining order so you can't go through civil court to online there. Good job.
At least that made it easy for your ex to settle it.
I would just take the opportunity as me time. Do what you want to do – catch up on shows, play video games, read, work on a project etc.
I honestly don't see my gf too often probably twice or thrice a week, and since we're on holiday most of the days I just play games or watch shows like u said or maybe I do things w my family. so irdk I should then probably just treat it as tho it was any other day lol.
If you still feel lonely and wished you had your own group of friends to hang with, then I suggest joining a casual sports team or volunteer at a place is a way to meet people. You could also post in Reddit in a local sub asking if anyone would be interested in hanging out and some of your interests. I’ve seen all these work for people looking to make new friends.
yes thanks good advice there I'll probably try the latter. I do feel kinda resistant to making new friends cos of the work but I think I should just push that boundary. but like I said i rrly dont like the superficial aspect of it. thanks for tthe advice
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I already feel kinda violated having known someone was in my body. The day after my area was messed up because I was obviously dry & it was very painful for a day or two. I have had my own experience from this & if I had known unconscious sex was a possibility I wouldn’t have done it. I don’t blame him at all. But you gotta be somewhat empathetic to me feeling violated & like a ghost has been in my body.
Jesus girl get the fuck out of there and cease all contact. I know it won't be easy but you need to start looking for someone to take you in. Start recording these interactions and have it upload to the could while doing it or better yet FaceTime someone and have them have their screen recorder on.
He's trying to isolate you and trap you with a kid. There's really nothing he can do about you using the card. I mean he can file a report against you but if you have some evidence of him saying shit that he's been saying I don't think they're going to side with him, especially with him threatening to call them and say that you stole it. Saying that just makes it sound like he's lying and using it to scare you.
Tell him to go cheat. I mean seriously do you care? Really do you honestly care if he does to have sex with someone else? Atleast then if he's out having sex he's not at home being abusive to you. If someone you trust pulled up tomorrow and said “come with me i have a place you can stay and will feed you and house you until you get on your feet” would you not immediately dive head first through their window? If the answer is yes then let him go have sex with anyone he wants. Atleast he's not forcing himself onto you for painful intercourse in the hopes of getting you pregnant and stuck with him.
You're 18 and still need to start your adult life and this isn't how it should be. If he gets physical with you call the police. Try to record it if you can and show the cops when they get there. He will be gone for atleast 48 hours depending on where you online. But even if you can't record him call 911 and pretend it's a friend and give them your address and say you're asking them to come pick you up because your bf is trying to hurt you or is hurting you and threatening you.
It's not often a post gets me this emotional and wishing I was rich so I could fly you the fuck away from that place to be somewhere safer but this is one of them. Do not stay, stop having sex with him at all and call the police. Also get a Dr appointment in a few weeks because those pills are recomned to be taken asap and may not be as effective after 2 days. Hopefully it was a spermicidal condom. But please OP get the fuck out of there now.
Thank you, that's very much how I feel. I think my spouse will be hurt deeply, since they want to stay together despite the damage to both of our lives. It's going to be tricky to get through the divorce while also providing some kind of support for them, but the logical part of me thinks we'll both be better off for it.
That bias exists, I don't disagree. That wasn't your original statement.
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Agreed. And that tree needs to be returned anyway because it’s recalled.
“You know actually I am entitled to sex so I would totally be in the right to rape you right now, but I am such a good guy that I wouldn't do that. But just so you know, I could, and it would be my right. But I am a good guy.” – how guys like him think
My advice is to grow a pair and be honest with her. If weed is that important, end things and move on. If you are willing to give up weed, do it and stop being a dishonest partner.
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Is he taking speed or other uppers?
I also believe he didn’t know what to say or do. Some people don’t think about deep feelings and how to process things. It isn’t that they do t care, but they have no idea what to say unless they have felt the same way.
It may help to tell him the kind of support and feedback you need. For example, if i vent about work or a problem, sometimes i just need my partner to listen or give me a hug. Yes, sometimes i ask for the hug.
Yeah, but I'll wear a hoodie. How often do you go around wearing your girlfriends bra?
“The next day, she sent me a long message letting me know that she started having a panic attack while we were walking back to my house”
It took you few days to respond.. ?
Is this the latest in a long series of issues, or was this a mistake in an outside good marriage? If it's a marriage with a solid foundation, this can be fixed with marital counseling. Your husband will need the will to do better and not feel entitled to your trust. You will need the will to forgive him. Not immediately, but you can't hold this over his head forever either.
This is salvageable – assuming there's not more to the story – but it needs work on both your ends. Mostly his, but yours too.
I had an ex who would watch old videos (while we were together) that's something between the two of you as a couple to decide if it's OK or not.
If you think he is genuinely remorseful for what happened and has not been aggressive in other ways, you could stay with him (if you feel you want to) but take any type of sexual power play off the table
If you think he has shown no concerns for your feelings and hasn't made any effort to comfort you, you need to really think if this is someone you want to be with.
Who knows why, just ask them to stop.
“Hey, please don't send those kind of vids to me anymore, as I don't appreciate them.” – “But if you happen to come across ripped guys, that'd be cool”
Ok not the second part maybe. You could ask for cute kittens or baking vids or for nothing at all, as you're too busy to watch videos and they're boring anyways.
If I have to guess, they're sending those reels to all their friends and they didn't stop to think that you might not be interested.
What's your friend's race? I ask because if he's brown I can 100 percent understand not getting involved. Shit can easily go sideways.
That was my first thought ? He really should have done a paternity test, not unless the one he is sure is his is his clone.
Jeff Bezos’ wife got a quarter of his money in the divorce making her one of the ten richest women in the world. She largely gave up her career to raise their family and so that Jeff could build Amazon. Food for thought.
This should be higher up. Seen it before, experienced it before with a girls “bestie” coming between us or causing issues.
something about his story doesn't add up………
That must be the right thing to do I guess..
?????
Because he knows you can torpedo his entire stupid made-up lying-ass life if you do what we all hope you will and dime him out to his wife.
Yeah, I doubt it has anything to do with being timid in general and more about her having realized that there’s no point telling you she’s upset because you never listen/pay attention to her concerns anyway. And the one time she does try to have an open discussion with you, you call her a liar because the last 2 girls you were with “didn’t have any problems.”
Try different types and it won't always be the same everyday you need to keep an eye out for her ques to guide you on what you should keep doing that day. Encourage her to masterbate aswell so she knows what she likes.
That does make sense, and I feel like this is ultimately what I’m gonna end up doing by coming clean to her.
Just stressed tf out about how she’ll react and how she’ll view me after admitting to putting a gun in her brothers face, and if it gets back her parents im certain they won’t be happy it either. So there’s that. Thanks for the advice
Bursting into tears is fine, it'll show how much this is affecting you.
He still can decide to refuse, you can't make an adult do things they don't want to do.
Unless you yourself are lying (I'd find that hard to believe since you're posting anonymously on Reddit) it sounds like she fucked someone else and is gaslighting you, and it's working lol.
You don’t understand what I’m saying and that’s fine, I’m not explaining anymore.
If you’re just looking to argue with someone you can go on another post as I really don’t have the energy or patience for this.
Can't speak for anyone else, but yes, there are nudes on my phone, I have taken entirely for me.. Either as a boost if I'm feeling good, or because I'm trying to figure out if a flaw I'm seeing is real or my brain being mean to me.. (you'd think it wouldn't make a difference, but pics are different than skin, sometimes)..
And quite frankly, as a woman, the amount of trust required to share pics (even with a long-standing bf/gf but not spouse level commitment), given the realities of revenge porn and photo sharing might be something she is very uncomfortable with generally..
You tell her and accept the consequences.
It's a casual relationship on his end, but a serious relationship on your end. Either accept it's a casual relationship or move on.
Paternity test immediately.
“Contradiction/lie”
The contradiction is that you’re saying it’s perfectly fine for him to feel some sort of way about how she asks him questions and that she should cater to that, but that other people are crying for appreciating that their partners communicate courteously and ask them questions. You’re contradicting yourself by saying that it’s only okay to have feelings involved in the one scenario, but that if someone else has to “have the other person manage your emotions to ask a simple question, that’s a gigantic red flag against you, not them”.
That is a direct contradiction about the validity of feelings.
“i should let a man be irrational at times” im sorry but if he wants to maintain such a ridged mind view of how you should be feminine then he needs to maintain the stoicism of his masculinity and part of that is making sure he keeps control of himself and his emotions and not be “irrational”. This is coming from a Redpill guy who does subscribe to women being feminine and men being masculine but he needs to maintain his side if he wants the same from you.
That's the painful truth. I needed to hear it plainly. The messed up part is I rejected a genuinely nice guy who has shown me interest and a willingness to commit for the guy I'm with now.
If I was sleeping and the person living with me would wake me up at night “shouting profanites” I would go there and scream at them if they are mental. This is absolutely not acceptable. If he was clumsy and woke me from banking doors or stuff I would be annoyed and have a talk too but if he SHOUTS this does not go and that behavior needs to be stopped before it gets a habit. If a THIRTY year old man gets so worked up about computer games, that he has to literally shout at his computer, he needs some talking to.
Script: If its the middle of the night and he shouts, you enter the room and take a pan and throw it at his head. “Are you totally crazy? I am sleeping in the next room and you are shouting like a teenage boy who is throwing a fit! Shut the fuck up already!”
This is not some grey zone where there are two sides to the story and it has to be discussed. If he shouts in the middle of the night, its wrong and it needs to stop and if he even thinks that there he has a sandcorn size or ground to argue on, you honestly should dump him.
To the part where one partner stays up late and the other goes to sleep early I would actually consider seperate beds, maybe even having him sleep on the couch if he wants to play games until 4 am.
No she didn't. She apologised and explained why she reacted that way. And then tried to console him. When that didn't work she then got upset at what she perceived to be an overreaction.
Not every miscommunication is abuse. This damn sub.
You move forward by realizing he has been emotionally/mentally, and financially abusing you. He is a predatory leech. Please don't let him continue to drain you of your self worth, you deserve much better than him! Kick him to the curb.
They hold all the cards (and photos), unfortunately. It's quite common and natural for twins to be closer to each other than to any other family members, and you should not be surprised at any favoritism or skullduggery between the two of them.
Cutting out twin 1 won't work if you still want contact with twin 2, because they are in cahoots. If you cut anyone out, you cut them both out.
I suggest that you uninvite twin 2 from being your bridesmaid, explaining it's not a grudge against her but the whole drama about pictures and twin 1 and all. There is a good chance neither will come to your wedding if you do that though. And you might never get those photos you wanted.
I'm a little surprised you asked one but not the other to be in the wedding party, as that is favoritism in its own right. Remember what I said about them having an ultra-close bond.
run dude
About the dog thing – maybe asking someone to drive an hour each way for the dog to pee is a pretty big ask. Develop some closer friendships with neighbors, or leave your dog at a doggy day care.
About the food thing – there's a simple way you can compromise. Unasked, just bring a nice bottle of wine or a dessert item or flowers. That keeps both your bf and your family happy.
I am sorry about your marriage ending. And its one of the reasons I am doubting our relationship, do I really want to get engaged and married knowing what I know now?
Do I want to take that chance with her?
We can't make these decisions for you, but overall, if you don't feel you can trust her, then the relationship can't survive. I would at least express this to her and decide for yourself how much she respects your viewpoint. If you get the sense that she doesn't or is just tolerating it, then it's over. Otherwise, there may be a chance to move past it together. It's your relationship, so that'll be up to you to discover.
Tell him you will get the police involved.
Updateme!
Fair enough appreciate the insight
Like anything resembling background information that would enable us to give you advice.
You're right. I just want to get over it and move on. I just get worried because any guy can imagine the worst when alcohol and sex get involved. It's been an eyeopener that's for sure. I don't think I'll be drinking to that extent anymore ever.
and none of it is about bad luck lmao
Serious advice: Be a little awkward about it.
Don't just tell him, arrange a time to tell him. Make it a scheduled event for some future time, maybe a few hours later or maybe another day the same week; not so far that it could get forgotten but enough “not-now” that it becomes an Event. Pick a time that you're sure you'll be able to have a full conversation undisturbed. Tell him there's something you need to tell him and you'll need a time for that.
If he asks you to just tell him right away, that's fine. The point isn't the delay, the point is to build up a sense of gravity that you're about to say something serious that matters and is naked to say. Still, don't tell him in some random hallway. Ask him join you in a private space with a sense of intimacy – your bedroom is a good pick. If you have a favorite sibling spot like a garden nook or a park you visit, that's good too. Before you start, take a seat yourself and ask him to sit down first.
Again, the point here is one of ritual. You're going through all the steps to indicate that you are about to tell him something Big. Because you are about to tell him something Big. This will move him out of a casual mindset so he's not thinking of what joke to respond with, but he'll be ready to take you seriously and know that you're telling a nude truth and this isn't some elaborate prank.
Then… tell him what you think he needs to know. Probably start by just telling the story of what happened, either exactly how you told it here or with however much more/less detail you feel comfortable with. Just be honest and talk to him. You don't need to give a perfect speech, you just need to get a bit of information across, and more importantly you need to share your emotions with him as part of your relationship with your brother. Then, you've got the conversation started, and the rest should be… well, not easy, but natural. Answer his questions, offer a hug if it is appropriate, etc. Be there for your brother.
I was just mentioning that story in one of my other responses. Because this situation did remind me of that one.
Then figure she's driving for the first date, and you can return the favor when you can drive?