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First of all, your feelings are very valid. What I wonder is, are your friends/family/husband misunderstanding you. When you say you want to talk to your husband about it. Do you make it clear that you just need time to process the situation, like he had when he came up with his suspicions. Or is there room that they are assuming by “talking about it” that you actually mean “scheme to break them up”.
Because you make it clear in the post that you just want a little sympathy that this isnt easy for you to wrap your head around. since up until you opened that door, this was probably something that youd never even thought about. And thats okay. But if you think the end result of you having time to process, is that you need to break them up, then you need to be prepared to be on the losing end of a lot of those conversations. Especially since this is now a 6-7 year old relationship. Which literally means theyve been together romantically for 1/3 of their lives. So to them, this is so secondnature/normal. Its not an easy thing to come to terms with, but you will need to. On the topic of both treating you like mom. Theres nothing wrong with that. Ideally you would want a very close relationship with your kids SOs, that would almost become motherly. In this case, you dont have to TRY to like them, you genuinely do love them. Very weird beginning to this, but you dont have to worry about 2 of your children being in abusive/broken relationships.
Most people, would say it is all of those things.
I think the Essex thing is because she had an ex from there and it’s set her against the place? But she doesn’t want to know that Bob isn’t a fan of Essex and moved away the second he could (we don’t live! anywhere near there now) it’s just become another stick to beat him with I think… I think at this rate he couldn’t do anything right?
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Wait, you have t talked to your husband about this yet? Ma’am, y’all to your husband about it. Tell him how it made you uncomfortable. He’s your partner: talk to him!!
He is not going to change. I am going to be very honest here and I really hope you see this and consider what I tell you:
He is never going to change for you. He has had 10 years to do so. He will not change for you.
You cannot change him. Had that been possible, it would have happened during those 10 years. It will not change if you give it another day or another decade. It does not matter how much you love him or how much he claims to love you.
What he is doing to you is abuse. It might not leave bruises, but spitting on someone is physical abuse. Him yelling at you, screaming in your face, calling you names and being horrible to you – All of that is abuse! You are being abused and you are showing him that you are okay with that by cuddling him in his sleep.
Finally to sum this up: Your life will not change unless YOU do something. You can claim to love him and want to change him all day, but I am telling you, it will not happen. Take a very long look in the mirror the next time you are alone and consider whether you want to be the product of a abusive home for the rest of your life, or you want to begin to take steps to change something for the better. For you.
Listen to this dude, women are like chameleons. Portray themselves as the perfect woman then once that ring goes on they have the advantage, pop a kid into them and bam you fucked for 18 years. This chick it throwing up all kinds of red flags a guy with no emotional attachment can see. Listen to the advise no matter how bad it hurts.
“Talk is cheap” “actions speak louder than words”, there's countless other aphorisms I could give you saying the same thing. Behavior is everything. Words are meaningless.
This is the first question that came to my mind. Most women in long-term relationships don't want to be physically intimate with someone they don't feel emotionally intimate with. Are you being a present and supportive partner? Speaking her love languages?
They're doing this because you're allowing it, op. As long as you go along quietly with everything they'll only escalate the entitlement. Push and push and push boundaries until your break.
Break already, op.
Tell your boyfriend you're done. She needs to move out. That's it. She makes enough to get a small place or move in with the others. But you're done. If he wants to buy a house with you, she's not coming. Ever. He wants to fight you bc of pressure from his family then mommy dearest can be his life partner.
No one's going to put you first until you demand respect and put your foot down.