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I think asking what his concerns are would be a good place to start. Also consider some of these other things:
Do you communicate well?
And what I mean by that is so you both participate in active listening? Do you feel like you talk past each other? When you argue, do you feel supported, heard, and loved?
Are you aligned on life goals?
Kids and finances are obvious ones, but what about the way you spend time and money together? Travel, home improvement goals, hobbies (to share or do separately) are also things to think whether you are compatible on.
I hope you guys come together and move past this stronger than before!
Ok first find your spine. Your girl has zero respect for you and sees you as one of her girl buddies instead of a boyfriend.
One hopes you had an attorney iron out the contracts on this home purchase so you don't end up losing your down payment. It's just never wise to buy property with someone you're not either married to or have a domestic partnership contract with. Ideally you'd both be contributing 50/50 and he'd be slowly making payments to you to even out the down payment issue. If no one wants to do chores then hire some help. But in a non marital relationship the money is supposed to be kept separate. It doesn't matter that your superior job skills have resulted in a higher income. If he wants to earn more and put in less physical labor he should go get trained to do something different as a career. His life choices are not your fault. Go halves on everything and don't let him convince you that because you planned your life better than he planned his that you somehow have to pay penance to him for your success.
Consider anger management counseling for yourself to show her you are committed. Also, you can become engaged to show intent without setting a date prior to knowing when you can afford the big wedding.
Here's an idea- when he moves your hand or head say “no babe. Mine first.”
If he doesn't want to do it, time to move on. If he enthusiastically does it, reciprocate if you want or give him a taste of his own medicine. Some people only learn by the “do unto others” method.
If it really bothers you, you need to figure out why she doesnt invite you. It coule be a status thing, it could be shes got a “work husband”, it could be because she thinks you wont enjoy it. You shouldn't let this issue spiral into a huge thing, but if you are bothered by it and don't say anything and get peace then it will.
Thank you for your insight on this. A lot of commenters, understandably, jump the gun on the situation. I get how it’s easy to do that from the context I’ve provided and how it’s easy to view a situation like this from the outside and be like “wtf dump him”. But there is a lot of complexities to it, and I really don’t think he had malicious intent. As I’ve talked more about it with him, I think he is just angry about how lonely he feels and is grasping at straws to reach out to anyone that will listen. And here comes Jessica with ears wide open ready for all the latest tea that can be shared with the friend group.
I think the main thing is that I don’t want to be in a position where I have to justify why something hurt my feelings. I want him to understand instead of getting defensive. And yes, he should have known better. But coming from someone who understands what it’s like to be lonely and have no one to turn to, I can’t completely fault him for it.
It sounds like you are in a difficult situation with your boyfriend and you are feeling frustrated and stressed out by his behavior. It's important to remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and loved.
It may be helpful for you to sit down and have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about how his behavior is impacting you and your relationship. Try to use “I” statements to express your feelings, rather than attacking him or blaming him. For example, you could say something like, “When you act like a child, it makes me feel frustrated and disrespected. I want us to have a mature and loving relationship.”
It may also be helpful for both of you to seek couples counseling to work through any issues in your relationship and to develop better communication and problem-solving skills. A therapist can provide a neutral and supportive environment for you to work through your issues together.
Ultimately, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel happy and fulfilled, and it may be worth considering whether this relationship is meeting your needs and if it's worth continuing.