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Iām a bit torn. I totally understand your position on boundariesā¦ butā¦
What if this was someone like Chris Hemsworth and she was at a ComicCon? What if she won a contest to get to meet him with a small group of fans and you were there too. What if she handed him a drawing or something and gushed about him? What if she gave him a big hug and he hugged her back and spent a few extra minutes with her talking about the drawing or her interests? Would you be feeling uncomfortable like you did when she was on stage?
Yes, sheās a bit obsessed with her celebrity crush, but I feel like once someone has ātheir momentā with the crush, the fantasy has been fulfilled and then itās just a super fun memory. Yeah, sheāll still be in the fan club and do other stuff, but itās possible it would have died down a bit.
When she was on stage holding his hand, did you truly think your marriage was suddenly on the rocks or that she was about to cheat on you in the dressing room? If so, I would say that you have a tad bit of insecurity about yourself and the relationship that you projected onto her.
If you had complete trust and confidence, you might have been a bit more logical than emotional about the whole thing. It was a special moment for her that may or may not happen again, and you did tarnish that memory for her.
Now, is she someone that usually validates your feelings and concerns during or after an argument? If so, she likely didnāt this time because sheās just so down about the experience, that sheās still upset and not really ready yet to forgive you or understand your perspective.
People might not agree with my take on this, but after reading your post and the other comments, I did want to offer my thoughts.
Again, while I do see your perspective, I am leaning towards your wifeās side. She may not have explained it well to you afterwards while you were arguing, but I think this was truly a benign thing that you turned into something about yourself instead of letting her enjoy the moment.
Yeah, my ex wife whom I was with for 13 years, with a child told me she wanted to have an open relationship. I told her I wasn't comfortable with it, and she never mentioned it again. She had already cheated and just wanted to continue with it without hiding it or feeling guilt.
You did nothing wrong, stick to your decision.
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All you can do is talk to her about it. No one here knows the answer, we're all just random people with on average just as much knowledge as you. Ask her why the sudden change, ask her if she's alright, maybe something happened? Maybe she has something on her mind? Literally all you can do is ask. Lack of communication is something that kills a relationship.
Also a grief support group might be helpful.
Was it an electric toothbrush?
Yes as others have said , every woman goes from one guy to another . Trust me she is seeing someone else .
Wait, you read the part about the relationship ending, right? You canāt still think heās going on the honeymoon also. Now THAT would be a whole different post!
I apologize. I thought it was to be your marital home. Calling you selfish when you could have done the same in terms of her not āearningā the downpayment is manipulative. She could have said it in other ways that didnāt paint you as a bad guy even if her opinion was the same.
Yeah, just read the beginning and end and skimmed the middle. Whatās the timeline on this? Like 2, 3 months? This girl sounds like a mess, I would just stop trying and let her go.
But, if you really felt a emotional connection and want to pursue a friendship (and think you are capable of a healthy platonic relationship with her)ā¦ You canāt be friends with an ex if you donāt give yourself some time without contact so you can heal. Stop texting her and trying to meet up. Block or mute her on your socials so you donāt have to see her. Neither of you are capable of treating each other like a good friend at this point. The only true chance you have of ever having a good friend relationship is to truly step away and give yourself real time to heal from the breakup. If you feel ready in a few months to reach out because you genuinely want to just hang out and catch up then send her a text. If she doesnāt reply right away and you get all anxious and upset? Youāre not ready.
Iām 40. I know many people who have managed to remain good friends with their exes, even happily attending each otherās weddings. They all had a period of no contact between their breakups and reconnecting as friends. You need the separation for it to work.