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Has anyone been able to come back from feeling utter repulsion from their partner? There’s no particular reason, just a lot of very small ones.
I (24F) met my 36M partner while working together at a really stressful job that required us to be together alone for extended periods of time. We have (I suspect) trauma bonded and now have been “dating” for 3 really long and kind of miserable years. I was living on my own for the majority of this relationship so I was able to push off a lot of the things I did not like about my partner. When I didn’t want to see him I could simply stay home or make an excuse. Well, about six months ago he pushed hard for me to move in with him into his very, very small home. I’ve felt trapped and claustrophobic ever since I’ve arrived here. All of the things that I STRONGLY dislike about him are now glaring me in the face. He refuses to use good table manners. He generally smells bad due to mouth breathing and doesn’t put any effort into his appearance. Having conversations about regular life things are now repulsing me from him because I feel like there is a disconnect in perspective. I also feel disparity in intelligence and creativity between us. He is unorganized, consistently makes unhealthy choices, and has made startling subtle homophobic/ transphobic and even racist comments at times. It is apparent he has failed in many aspects of his life as he has few friends and essentially lives as a hermit. No goals or ambitions and regularly states that he has “wasted a decade” smoking weed and playing video games. On top of all this, any time I stand up, he’s right behind me. There is no room for my hobbies here. I haven’t painted, or practiced yoga, etc. The big problem for me is that he isn’t a mean or cruel person. He is kind where it matters and loyal to me. It’s hot to deal with these feelings of repulsion when there no obvious conflict in our relationship. I’m concerned I should’ve ended this relationship when I realized I wouldn’t enjoy the idea of living with him. We are moving into a bigger place in a different city. I’m hoping that these huge changes with help me build a better relationship with him but I just feel weighed down. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here in this subreddit. I’m just feeling alone and overwhelmed. I’ve been married and divorced before (high-school sweetheart) and this is my first relationship outside of that. I’m afraid I’ve dug myself in too deep. I’m afraid I’m dating a loser.
I mean some US states give the other parent's rapist parental/custody rights. Not an alleged rapist – convicted ones, after they've released. So…yeah.
If her mental issues have only developed since she has physical issues, than it could be some neurological issues comorbid to her medical health problems. You can suggest a neurologist for her. This would be a medical solution as well, so she could hardly object to that. Have her MD give a referral. The best places to go to are University clinics. They do more research and are more curious about interesting problems like this one. If you wife still objects, you can insist that it is necessary for her physical health.
Some neurologists are also psychiatrists, and this is a normal. Again University hospitals are more advanced in these areas. So they should be able to understand or refer in the hospital to someone who can help uncover the root issue here. Best to you.
Tell your mom to pull her head out of the sand. Tell your sister to get over herself and seek help for her chronic lying.
I was kind of in your shoes when I was I college. Here’s the thing…all of us ladies are still friends 20+ years later and not one of us thinks about weddings anymore as we all realized those are just snapshots in time and hell—most of them are divorced and remarried at this point.
Do what you want to do. Feel your feelings. I personally would not put in the same level of effort for Sarah as Elizabeth though.
I see ?? thanks
I know
The reason people are not focusing on his behavior is because his wife is physically abusive and when someone is abusive, it does not matter what their partner did first, that is always an immediate “leave the relationship” situation. By saying “hitting you was wrong, BUT” people are opening the door to him justifying the abuse because abusees generally desperately want to find a reason that the abuse wasn’t that bad or that they actually deserved it,
In this situation, it is dangerous to give him a reason to blame himself because it could encourage him to stay thinking “we both did bad things.” He needs to recognize his wife’s behavior as abusive, exit the relationship safely, and whatever his own faults as a partner he can work on in therapy as he heals from the abuse.
Yeah so she claims that she waited until we broke up until she got with him. Even if she didn’t I still get the feeling she could be withholding information anyway. Yeah you’re right I think the resentment is really holding me back and I just don’t think I’m gonna be able to fix that. I think the worst part is that I just can’t trust her about anything at this point and I don’t know if I could really build that trust back. I appreciate the advice.
I bet he got As in English though.
If you consider yourself a decent person, you would not partake. You dont want your ex to know, because you know its wrong. I would also include that this guy is not your ex's friend if he is clandestinely trying to rail his ex girlfriend when the relationship isnt even cold yet. But you are all consenting adults, so do what you what.
Yeah man your friend played you
Your strong moral friend as expected turned out to be no better then any of the others
You've just been getting a show this whole time
Don't wish them well they certainly never gave a crap about you.
Feels like there's something missing from this
You think I wanted a unlicensed fool? Like I said I tried anything I also said “like it counts” cause it don’t
Hi my darling. I’m gonna give you some mom advice. First of all this age gap is concerning. Second, silent treatment is abuse. PERIOD this behavior is purely manipulative and dangerous.